About plaguer : Part time barista, tattoo parlor rest of the time. My dog is part reindeer, part fox.
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plaguer's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 04/14/2011 at 1:49am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by confused / 04/09/2011 at 4:08am / United States (California) / Love
Today, after a huge row with my best friend at school, I hid myself away in the bathroom and quietly sobbed to myself. A kid loudly busted into the stall next to me and took a minute-long shit that sounded like a hailstorm of bullets. The putrid stench made me retch and violently throw up everywhere. FML
by Amy / 03/31/2011 at 9:46pm / United States (New Jersey) / Health
Today, as I was about to go in the bathroom, a girl walked out, shaking water off her hands. Some of it landed on my face, and I just wiped it off. Then she said to her friend who was waiting for her, "The sink's broken. Can I use your hand sanitizer?" So what landed on my face? FML
by anon / 03/05/2011 at 5:15am / United States (California) / Health
by stupiddrunk / 02/28/2011 at 8:10pm / United Kingdom (London) / Health
Today, while having sex, I found out that I'm so flexible that when I bend over backwards, the backs of my knees can touch my shoulders. My boyfriend is now extremely jealous and is debating about breaking up with me. Even I don't get it. FML
by inder / 02/25/2011 at 11:03am / United Kingdom (Stoke-on-Trent) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/15/2011 at 2:28pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML
by mom21 / 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
Today, I bought a pretty blue parakeet to keep my parrot company, and named her Sky. I went to work a few hours later. When I came home that night, I found my parrot dead. There wasn't a huge mess to clean, though; Sky had already eaten half of his corpse. FML
by omnomnom / 02/04/2011 at 7:29pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, my boyfriend got a new rifle. He forced me to watch him stripping it, oiling it, and sliding things into its barrel. We then watched 'Enemy at the Gates'. I basically endured 4 hours of gun porn. FML
by missbrit / 02/04/2011 at 2:59am / United Kingdom (Staffordshire) / Intimacy
by Brea / 02/01/2011 at 1:50pm / United States (Missouri) / Geek
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Animals
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy