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About piratezombiedino : I love scuba diving, nachos, and old school Nickelodeon cartoons.
I hate stupid high schoolers that post dumb FMLs, people who can't spell, type with horrid grammar, and completely miss the point of this website.
85% of the commenters here should be banned from the Internet for stupidity.
Sometimes, people just need to be punched in the throat.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my mother woke me up by saying "Good morning my sexually aggressive daughter. We're going to have an extremely uncomfortable conversation today." Our awkward talk consisted of her telling me that I'm a tease and am going to get raped. Why? She caught me making out with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57813) - you deserved it (4922)
On 07/01/2009 at 3:33pm - intimacy - by wildthing (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8588) - you deserved it (72910)
On 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on, and listening to loud music when she suddenly looked worried and asked if I heard something. I said no and continued. Moments later, three firemen opened the bedroom door and told us to get dressed and go outside because the building was on fire. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38057) - you deserved it (6470)
On 06/23/2009 at 8:56pm - love - by Jerf (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while reading some chemistry notes I came across the term "solid water". Completely stumped, I asked myself, "What the hell is solid water?" Then I heard my little cousin say "ice." I'm a 4th year science major in university. He still checks the closet for monsters. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20360) - you deserved it (59134)
On 06/23/2009 at 10:19am - work - by uneek14 (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my daughter used pledge to clean the wooden staircase. I found out when I tried to walk down them in socks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35248) - you deserved it (3388)
On 06/23/2009 at 2:12am - kids - by FastFlight (man) - United States (New Hampshire)
Today, I was on the phone with my best friend who lives out of town. He was strangely quiet. Later that day I asked him why he didn't talk much. He admitted he was jacking off to the sound of my voice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43518) - you deserved it (3107)
On 06/17/2009 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by automaticfail_00 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was so excited to play the video game I just bought, I decided to read the manual in the game. I went over the seizure warning and thought to myself, who the hell gets a seizure from playing a video game? Apparently I do. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44077) - you deserved it (5774)
On 06/13/2009 at 8:47pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML
I agree, your life sucks (77186) - you deserved it (14562)
On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)
Today, I was playing paintball when I noticed a 9 year old fat kid sitting and crying on the ground. Thinking he'd fallen and was hurt, I walked over to him. He looks up and shoots me in the face, arm, stomach, and happy sacks area from 4 feet away then runs off. He was not hurt at all, and now everything tastes like paint. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37704) - you deserved it (5811)
On 06/09/2009 at 2:04am - misc - by Woody - United States (Tennessee)
Today, I was walking on a path through a park by myself. I glanced at the ground and saw a shadow behind me. Thinking of an attacker, I screamed as loud as I could and began flailing my arms to ward him off. Turns out, it was a jogger. He had to stop due to his uncontrollable laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8824) - you deserved it (35337)
On 06/06/2009 at 12:43am - misc - by paranoid (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was taking a bath and out of boredom started making sheep noises. I then had a conversation with myself in farm animal noises. When I got out of the bath, I walked to my bedroom in my towel, passing the living room... where my little brother's soccer team burst out laughing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15503) - you deserved it (51195)
On 06/05/2009 at 5:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my dad asked me to move a potted plant from one side of the yard to the other. It looked like a very heavy pot, so I heaved it up with all my might. Turns out it was one of those heavy-looking ones that are actually light plastic. I fell over backwards and dumped dirt into my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34502) - you deserved it (13183)
On 06/04/2009 at 2:27am - misc - by ether10 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was standing around looking out the window at work when it became really dark and windy and started to pour. I watched a shopping cart fly across the parking lot thinking how funny it'd be if it hit someone's car. It hit mine. I need a new headlight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14263) - you deserved it (30534)
On 05/28/2009 at 11:41pm - misc - by danyelicindereli (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend of two years asked me to marry him so that we can consolidate our student loans. FML
I agree, your life sucks (43712) - you deserved it (2390)
On 05/28/2009 at 3:51pm - love - by loserface23 (woman) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69466) - you deserved it (32923)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
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