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  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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pinto502

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pinto502
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  • Number of visits : 232
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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pinto502's favorite FMLs

Today, my dog started limping as we were walking home. I thought she'd hurt herself, so I picked her up and carried her home. Once we arrived, I put her down, at which point she ran around and played as if nothing had happened. I fell for my lazy dog's plan to get me to carry her home. FML

#18697253 (221)

I agree, your life sucks (7770) - you deserved it (2022)

On 01/03/2012 at 2:44pm - animals - by vanessa560 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML

#18483356 (257)

I agree, your life sucks (13946) - you deserved it (1775)

On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I got kicked in the crotch by a horse in my backyard. I don't own a horse. FML

#18444351 (173)

I agree, your life sucks (10188) - you deserved it (917)

On 12/06/2011 at 11:54am - animals - by Rash (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

#18202922 (181)

I agree, your life sucks (21047) - you deserved it (15416)

On 11/09/2011 at 4:52pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that my dog is an aspiring underwear designer, her latest project being creating crotchless underwear. Mine seem to have been used as prototypes. FML

#18200720 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (18382) - you deserved it (2385)

On 11/09/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by blacktyaffair - United States (Texas)

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

#18198042 (132)

I agree, your life sucks (21750) - you deserved it (1483)

On 11/08/2011 at 11:06pm - work - by midwesternpetclerk - United States

Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML

#18189501 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (10873) - you deserved it (2096)

On 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm - intimacy - by InstantHardOn (man) - United States

Today, I was trying to get my boyfriend in the mood so I held his hands against the bed, and whispered, "Have you been a bad boy?" Thinking he'd say something kinky back, he replied "Yes Santa" then burst out laughing. FML

#18134142 (159)

I agree, your life sucks (8936) - you deserved it (3957)

On 11/01/2011 at 10:36pm - intimacy - by HOe HOe HOe (woman) - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I found a picture of my military husband kissing another woman. His excuse? It was photoshopped. FML

#17817952 (169)

I agree, your life sucks (21098) - you deserved it (1825)

On 09/24/2011 at 1:20am - love - by astocks - United States (New York)

Today, the girl I've been dating, and starting to fall in love with, walked out of the bathroom claiming we were going to be parents. I jumped off of the couch in disbelief, yelling, "Really?" She replied, "Really. I just gave birth to a huge dump baby." FML

#17718767 (381)

I agree, your life sucks (30830) - you deserved it (4973)

On 09/11/2011 at 11:13am - misc - by CaseyFpC85 - United States (Florida)

Today, my mom baked cupcakes for my visiting grandparents. Later, I saw my grandpa chowing down on them. Even later, my mom demanded to know why there were a dozen cupcake wrappers on my bed. I've essentially been framed by my own grandpa, and am now grounded for a month. FML

#17707171 (105)

I agree, your life sucks (23252) - you deserved it (1578)

On 09/09/2011 at 9:57pm - kids - by why?! (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was walking down the street when a police officer started walking behind me with his dog. I sped up and tried to cross the road. He took this as suspicious and got the dog to take me to the floor. I've been afraid of dogs since I was 5. FML

#17702644 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (10637) - you deserved it (1158)

On 09/09/2011 at 5:59am - animals - by D (man) - United Kingdom

Today, behind a cabinet, I found a scratch-off lottery ticket I hadn't scratched yet. After scratching it off, I realized it's a $2,500 winner. The lottery commission won't accept it because they stopped using that game 2 years ago. FML

#17688426 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (30479) - you deserved it (8062)

On 09/07/2011 at 1:25pm - money - by BigMoney - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that my neighbors took it upon themselves to knock down the fence we shared, and putting up a new one. Thus fencing my pool into their yard. When I asked them why, he replied, "We thought you weren't coming back." I was gone for 4 months tending to my sister with breast cancer. FML

#17658715 (225)

I agree, your life sucks (30761) - you deserved it (1237)

On 09/04/2011 at 2:09am - misc - by Pool-less - United States (Missouri)

Today, my daughter wouldn't stop yapping on about not being able to register on the new Harry Potter website. The amount of whiny jibber-jabber emanating from her cake-hole made me want to boot her from our family tree, and I had to resort to booze to wash the pain away. I'm a terrible parent. FML

#17365411 (466)

I agree, your life sucks (9923) - you deserved it (38125)

On 08/04/2011 at 9:41am - kids - by makeitstop (woman) - United Kingdom