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Back from a party
An FML submitted on a Saturday morning between 5 and 6am can't be a good FML.
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today, at work as a gynecologist, I called in my last patient of the day. As soon as I took a peek, I noticed that she had stuck googly-eyes above her vagina. She told me with a straight face not to be afraid, because "She doesn't bite." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40761) - you deserved it (4305)
On 04/09/2013 at 2:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I had to explain to my girlfriend once again that the dry skin she picks off her feet belong in the trash, not on our coffee table. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31490) - you deserved it (2909)
On 04/09/2013 at 1:58pm - misc - by FootFlakes (man) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35056) - you deserved it (15547)
On 04/06/2013 at 8:55am - misc - by Evalynne - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my dad yet again uttered the words "well, that escalated quickly," while watching the news. He uses this godforsaken meme multiple times a day. I lost my shit and told him to just shut up already. He slowly turned to face me, raised an eyebrow, and said, "well, that escalated quickly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17060) - you deserved it (46027)
On 03/30/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by fuck you dad (man) - Ireland (Monaghan)
Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37698) - you deserved it (2813)
On 03/23/2013 at 9:25am - kids - by kindergarten teacher - United States (California)
Today, I held hands with the boy I like. Without thinking, I commented that his right hand is softer, as if he only used lotion on that one hand. And then we stood there in terribly awkward silence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35331) - you deserved it (11293)
On 03/13/2013 at 12:57am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)
Today, my dad opened a Chinese fortune cookie that read, "Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes." Now he won't stop calling me Experience. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30129) - you deserved it (2194)
On 02/05/2013 at 3:19pm - misc - by Experience (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, my boyfriend tried to spice things up by sneaking into the shower with me. Instead, he walked in on me pooping. I only had the shower running because I was afraid he would hear me taking a dump. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12792) - you deserved it (21735)
On 09/14/2012 at 10:50am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34268) - you deserved it (3324)
On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, my cat kept sneezing all morning so I took her to the vet. $150 later and the vet says she's fine. I get home and the noise starts up again. My automatic air freshener spray sounds just like my cat sneezing. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12573) - you deserved it (36124)
On 05/20/2009 at 5:07am - animals - by catlover (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Monday 17 June 2013
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