About pinkpolarbear : You been sploded ^
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pinkpolarbear's favorite FMLs
Today, while making my daily offering of turd to the porcelain throne, I took out my phone and started playing a game. I suddenly felt a tickling sensation on my leg, and I freaked out as I saw hundreds of ants had emerged from behind the toilet. FML
by Anonymous / 03/04/2012 at 5:20pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
Today, I visited the doctor. I had food poisoning last week, which led to diarrhea. The diarrhea was so bad it caused a hemorrhoid. The hemorrhoid somehow became infected. One bad sandwich, and now I have an infected asshole. FML
by loveinanelevator / 02/13/2012 at 7:03am / Health
Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML
by cieee / 02/13/2012 at 2:09am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/22/2012 at 3:25am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by moorox45 / 01/16/2012 at 12:10pm / United States (New Jersey) / Animals
by yum yogurt / 10/30/2011 at 4:15pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
by Mrs. Terrified / 10/23/2011 at 7:08pm / United States (Kentucky) / Love
Today, I went out shopping. When I left the store, I saw my ex, who I'm still crazy about. He helped me carry my bags out to the car. When I leaned in to give him a hug goodbye, he stepped aside, and I fell face-first into a puddle. He walked away laughing. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 3:36pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Mini-wanker / 10/18/2011 at 1:34pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by jaleesadavis21 / 10/18/2011 at 9:25am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was washing my hands in the bathroom when I looked up and saw a spider on my cheek. Panicking, I slapped myself in the face as hard as I could to kill it. Turns out the spider was on the mirror. FML
by Anonymous / 10/18/2011 at 2:55am / United States (Missouri) / Animals
Today, I wore my brand new Wonderbra to school. When I got home, my dad looked at me and started laughing hysterically. Between breaths, he asked if anyone actually thought my chest was that big and said "You know why it's called a Wonderbra? Guys take it off and wonder where your tits went." FML
by Anonymous / 10/10/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a date with a respectable, successful, polite, and attractive guy. Ten minutes into the conversation, I find out he's a neo-Nazi and earned a swastika tattoo in prison for "something shady." FML
by thatgirl / 10/10/2011 at 3:16am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, my five year old ran down the street wearing nothing but flip flops, Star Wars underwear, and a baseball helmet. He was swinging a badminton racket while screaming "THIS IS SPARTA!" My neighbors watched laughing as I had to run after him down the street in my pajamas. FML
by awesomekidsmum / 09/17/2011 at 9:20pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…