pink_54089

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Offline (the 02/28/2015 at 9:21am)

pink_54089

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  • Number of visits : 292
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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pink_54089's favorite FMLs

Today, my mom sent me a pic of a blank paper, saying it was a drawing of all the people who wanted to date me. FML

by toastynippies / 02/24/2015 at 2:32pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a one night stand. After holding in my farts all night as is done, I decided enough was enough and to calmly let one slip out. One did not calmly slip out instead I shit myself in her bed. I was naked at the time so was unable to hide it. FML

by Anonymous / 01/29/2015 at 4:17pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy

Today, as always, I have Tourette's syndrome. It causes me to occasionally make a beeping noise. My boyfriend just figured out that if he beeps back, it makes me beep again. He thinks it's hilarious and won't stop. FML

by Beeper / 10/11/2014 at 3:07pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML

by furryfriend / 09/16/2014 at 2:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

by he's not the one going to hell / 09/12/2014 at 5:11pm / Australia / Geek

Today, I confiscated a 1st grader's cell phone. It was better than anything I could come close to affording. FML

by ElementaryEdGuy / 09/11/2014 at 11:22pm / United States (Kentucky) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I caught my little sister taking a selfie in the mirror with a fake nose piercing, peace sign, and a duck face. She's 12. FML

by MusicLover18 / 09/03/2014 at 7:35pm / Canada (Alberta) / Kids

Today, I learned that while other people drunk call their exes, I drunk adopt cats. Seven cats, to be exact. FML

by cat lady / 08/30/2014 at 7:56am / Norway (Rogaland) / Animals

Today, my parents sat me down and told me that I'm adopted. I took it in stride, and reassured them that as far as I'm concerned, they're my true parents. That annoyed them. Apparently the whole thing was a prank for a YouTube video, which I ruined by not crying or freaking out. FML

by hannahka / 08/29/2014 at 2:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend was stroking my stomach and looking into my eyes. It was very romantic, until he grabbed my love handles and said, "Mmmm... bacon..." FML

by ch4nny / 08/28/2014 at 9:47pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

by Anonymous / 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML

by haileelouxxx / 08/22/2014 at 8:05am / Australia (Queensland) / Work

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML

by Mia / 08/20/2014 at 2:07am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

by Anonymous / 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, I babysat a 6-year-old boy for the first time. When I said it was his bedtime, he just screamed "Eat a dick!" at me. I was so shocked, all I could do was leave him be. When his parents returned, I had to make up an excuse for why he was still awake and watching TV, to save my pride. FML

by Anonymous / 08/10/2014 at 2:12pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Kids