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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I came home early from work, and caught my girlfriend with my best friend. I forgave her. She thinks it's because I love her. It's because I wouldn't get laid otherwise. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26212) - you deserved it (41950)
On 08/12/2009 at 1:06am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kansas)
Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (70091) - you deserved it (14844)
On 08/06/2009 at 7:11am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I was picking my daughter up at day care. She was outside playing kick ball. A red ball rolls over to me, and trying to impress the kids, I kicked it over the slide. I turn around to see three crying six year olds. It was their hamster ball. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22089) - you deserved it (60449)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:10pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I met with an important client to talk about his stake in the company. The guy was at least 80 years old. After taking care of business we spoke about my final year at the company. As he got up to leave he said "Good luck in your final year". Without thinking, I replied "You too". FML
I agree, your life sucks (26215) - you deserved it (10326)
On 07/20/2009 at 3:13am - work - by moutz (man) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, my girlfriend of over a year said she has been faking her orgasms since the first time we've had sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38542) - you deserved it (14882)
On 07/14/2009 at 2:19pm - intimacy - by guess28 (man) - Puerto Rico
Today, I asked the girl I am in love with out on a date. She asked me for my name. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40134) - you deserved it (7829)
On 07/12/2009 at 2:45am - love - by nameless (man) - United States
Today, I lost my cell phone. Since I sleep on the couch, I started looking through the cushions. I didn't find my phone, but after 6 months of uncomfortably sleeping on the couch, I find out I'm sleeping on top of a pull out bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13099) - you deserved it (41852)
On 07/07/2009 at 10:34am - misc - by stupid (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my boyfriend proposed to me at the zoo. With a Ring Pop. He was serious. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54652) - you deserved it (9103)
On 07/04/2009 at 12:49am - love - by Cococautly (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was at the park with a friend when I said "Gotta go, sorry. I've got court in an hour." The lady on the bench next to us then loudly complained how disgusting I was for being a criminal and threw her bird seed at me, dirtying my suit. I'm a lawyer with a case in an hour, not a criminal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39838) - you deserved it (2396)
On 07/03/2009 at 3:56pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I noticed a string was following behind our family cat. After close inspection I realized it was a plastic kite string he partially digested. I had to pull the other three feet of plastic kite tail from his rectum. He purred the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56206) - you deserved it (3544)
On 07/03/2009 at 3:06pm - animals - by RachelDC (woman) - United States (West Virginia)
Today, the dentist sneezed in my mouth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (77448) - you deserved it (3346)
On 07/01/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by kewlio45 - United States (Connecticut)
Today, our school had tryouts for chorus. Everybody sang a snippet of the song together until the teacher stopped us, saying it sounded awful. He singled me out and told me to sing alone. After I sang the part, he said, "Son, your gift to God will be silence." FML
I agree, your life sucks (56301) - you deserved it (5311)
On 03/17/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by Sebastian (man) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I came home a day after my birthday, and was greeted by my mother who told me "oh I have birthday present for you." She explained that she and my father went on a hike, and handed me my present. I got a F*ing stick for my birthday. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69087) - you deserved it (4218)
On 03/14/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was masturbating into a sock when I felt something on my cock. I quickly ripped the sock off and threw it on the floor... and watched a huge spider come scurrying out. I just inadvertently fucked a spider. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44532) - you deserved it (79659)
On 03/11/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by SpiderMan (man) - United States (Michigan)
Today, my mom walked in on me masturbating. I minimized the porn on my laptop so she wouldn't see I was watching it. It turns out I was watching an old Beatles concert before I started masturbating. My mom thought I was masturbating to the Beatles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19236) - you deserved it (62379)
On 03/11/2009 at 12:42am - intimacy - by theassman (man) - United States (Missouri)
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