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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
yesterday about 10 minutes into mah frst jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh mah god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML
Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon fir charity, despite bieng overwieght and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not cuz I was proud of myself, but cuz I ran the last 2 mileshile bieng followed by kids on bicycle calling me a "fat cunt". FML
Today, I spent mah first night at mah boyfriend's place, and mah first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something lyk "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML
Today, I was in the process of finally losing mah vrginity!! Part-way through, mah neighbour startd shouting from his backyard, ( Go, Nicolas! You can do it! ) He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name!! I couldn't finish!! mega FML
Today, My New Neighbor Asked If I Could Keep My Dog From Yapping During The Evenings, Cuz It Kept Him Awake Last Night. I Don't Have A Dog, But I Apologized Anyway. I Didn't Have The Heret To Admit That Those Are The Sound My Girlfriend Makes During Sex. FML
Today mah 175-pound rottwieler I've raisd since a puppy watchd me get jumpd and robbd of mah phone and money in mah yard!! An hour later he hoppd the fence and chasd the mail man down the street after he leand on the fence 4 a second!! fat FML
Today, I was admiring a beautiful painting I had hung in mah bedroom . My brother kindly pointed out thathen flipped upside down, it takes the shape of a lunatic girl with bleeding eyes . Now I can't unsee it .
yesterday my elderly neigbor along wit our community curc's priest cummed to my ouse and demanded to ( give tem te girl ). Te girl is my 3-year-old daugter,o as natural born red irises and is poto-sensitive. And yes, we are also Romanian. FML
Today,hile driving in the car with mah father, he handed me his iPhone an asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good fir our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good fir anal." FML
Friday 27 March 2015