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About phoneaddict13 : your average cool, friendly tennis playing girl. if ya wanna talk, just message but if you ask me to disrespect myself in any way I will gladly tell you to go fuck yourself.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
It’s in the can
Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Today, I found out my girlfriend and all of our friends have begun referring to the time I was meant to lose my virginity, but couldn't get hard, as the "cheese stick incident." They all think it's hilarious, and the worst part is that it's actually a pretty appropriate description. FML
Today, I had my midterm finals for AP Literature. My teacher had good news and bad news for us. The bad news? That he lost the file for our original exam and so had to make a harder exam for us. An exam he told us not to study for. The good news? "Jesus Christ suffered and died for our sins." FML
Today, I took a crap. When I stood up to admire my handiwork and flush, I noticed blood-red everywhere in the toilet. I freaked out like a little girl, thinking I was bleeding out of my ass. Then I noticed the ketchup packets my roommate had slipped under the seat to prank me. FML
Today, I needed to take a dump at school. As soon as I sat down, somebody else walked in. I'm extremely poop-shy, so I was forced to wait for several minutes while they styled their hair and applied makeup. After they left, I breathed a sigh of relief. Then someone else walked in. FML
Today, my parents decided to "discipline" my kitten by spraying her with water. This somehow managed to completely un-train her, and now she's back to being the compulsive biter she was when I first brought her home. FML
Today, I asked my spouse to help me apply some hemorrhoid relief cream, since I couldn't see what was going on down there clearly. Next time, I hope I'll remember if I'm still in a conference call with my online classmates so they don't witness the whole thing again. FML
Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML
Today, my mom told me how lucky I was to inherit her "asymptomatic" periods. It's true, I don't get cramps, bloating or mood swings with my periods. Nope, just excruciatingly painful diarrhea. Thanks, mom. FML
Today, my family got into a massive argument about whether or not battery-operated toothbrushes are considered electric toothbrushes. Everyone is in their own room and refuses to talk to each other. FML
Friday 12 December 2014