About philipino : a mixed bisexual
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philipino's favorite FMLs
Today, I took my grandma to what I thought was a nice movie. An actor used the word "cunt", which prompted her to ask what that word meant in a loud "whisper". She followed up even more loudly with, "Does that mean pussy?" FML
by troll of a gran / 01/08/2013 at 12:10pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
by catdog / 01/02/2013 at 1:07am / United States (California) / Animals
Today, I was at a party. Everyone was drunk, and I happened to overhear someone say, "Where's that guy in the black jacket? I'm going to beat his ass!" I wouldn't have thought anything of it, had I not been the only one wearing a black jacket. FML
by bpruitt95 / 12/31/2012 at 1:46am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. I felt down, so I laid in bed and told my parents I needed some alone time. A couple of minutes later, one of them started blasting "All by Myself" so loud that I felt the floorboards vibrate. FML
by all by myself / 12/25/2012 at 12:00am / United States (Alaska) / Love
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm / United Kingdom (Surrey) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/16/2012 at 12:26pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sent an email to my boss saying I'd fixed a glitch in our mail servers. He called me later, angrily shouting that I'd done a piss-poor job of fixing it, because my email had spammed his inbox with several hundred duplicate messages. FML
by Anonymous / 12/14/2012 at 6:16pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Work
by Anonymous / 12/11/2012 at 1:16pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML
by HOLY SHIT, A WALKING SNOWGLOBE / 12/09/2012 at 4:52pm / United Kingdom (Barking and Dagenham) / Love
Today, I was sitting cross-legged, idly jerkin' the gherkin. I guess I got slightly carried away, because I zoned out, forgot where I was aiming, and came all over the side of my face, up my nose and into my eye. FML
by SamWGovan / 12/09/2012 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Intimacy
Today, a senile old lady came up to me and offered me chocolate. I noticed that it was ex-lax, so I politely told her no. My 4-year-old daughter pushed me aside and ate the ex-lax, because she thought it was candy. I now have a stinky child on a 3 hour bus ride, with no stops. FML
by Anonymous / 12/09/2012 at 11:29am / United States (Texas) / Transportation
Today, after two weeks of being grounded, I was finally let out of the house by my mom. I had to call her at 1am asking her to come get me, because I got so drunk, I told my ride to leave without me. I'm grounded again after less than a day of freedom. FML
by Tasha_1996 / 12/09/2012 at 5:14am / Canada (Saskatchewan) / Miscellaneous
by ouch. / 12/08/2012 at 5:44am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Love
Today, I was out clubbing. My girlfriend went to get us drinks, so I danced alone while I waited. Some girl with hideous meth mouth, who was clearly tripping balls, started harassing and groping me and got all three of us kicked out when my girlfriend returned and beat the hell out of her. FML
by Anonymous / 12/07/2012 at 4:28pm / United States / Love