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phew's favorite FMLs
Today, I walked in on my sister and a few of my roommates planning a surprise party for a fellow roommate whose birthday is a week away. My birthday was yesterday. No one remembered. Not even my own sister. FML
by aishahahaha_ / 06/18/2016 at 8:34pm / Zambia (Lusaka) / Miscellaneous
Today, I needed the toilet in the night. Walking through my pitch black house barefoot, I felt something squish beneath my heel. Thinking it was a morsel of previously dropped food, I turned on the light to clean it up. My eyes met a twitching gecko body, with a flattened, exploded head. FML
by Kakapo4Ever / 05/20/2016 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Oxfordshire) / Animals
by Anonymous / 05/20/2016 at 4:09am / United States (California) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/03/2016 at 4:41am / Switzerland (Zurich) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 5:31pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, after driving for four hours to visit my best friend for the New Years break, she still hasn't finished up her skype conversation and left her room to greet me. She knows I'm here. I've spent the last hours watching youtube videos with her cat. FML
by Anonameow / 01/02/2016 at 11:57am / United States (Virginia) / Holidays
Today, I found out that you can give your grandpa a Vietnam flashback when you set off a leftover firecracker from New Years. I also found out that a 76 year old hits pretty fucking hard when freaking out. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 11:09am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by anon / 01/02/2016 at 10:57am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by IHateMySister / 01/02/2016 at 5:36am / Denmark (Sjelland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I visited my boyfriend's uncle's house for a party. His 8 year old cousin started asking if I like penis, so my reaction was to laugh, spitting my drink on her and her new dress. She can't pronounce peanuts, and I can't visit anymore. FML
by me / 01/02/2016 at 3:25am / United States (Louisiana) / Kids
Today, I was driving a little over the speed limit, when I saw a cop car waiting to join the road ahead of me. I quickly hit the brakes so they wouldn't have a payday with me. I hit the brakes too hard, lost control and almost ended up on someone's lawn. FML
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 2:04am / United States (California) / Transportation
by Anonymous / 01/02/2016 at 12:17am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 10:46pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Health
by Anonymous / 01/01/2016 at 9:07pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, while on a flight, I was walking back to my seat after going to the bathroom, when someone stuck their leg out, causing me to trip and fall flat on my face. All the guy could say was, "There's a thing called glasses. Fucking use them!" FML
by Puff301 / 01/01/2016 at 6:25pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…