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peytonmcculley

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peytonmcculley

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peytonmcculley's favorite FMLs

Today, I came home from a relaxing, peaceful vacation. When I got home my 4-year-old son was free-balling with poop all over his body, screaming "Bob the Builder will kick your ass." The baby sitter is nowhere to be found and I can't get him to stop saying, "I love ass." FML

#20562056
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40959) - you deserved it (5315)

On 03/27/2013 at 4:00am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my wife packed my lunch. Inside of my lunchbox was a photo of her eating my sandwiches. FML

#20526564
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35193) - you deserved it (6764)

On 03/01/2013 at 2:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got stuck in traffic when a shootout started somewhere behind. I lowered myself and suddenly a bullet punctured a hole in the rear screen. When I managed to get away, I called my wife in a panic. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text about what just happened. Her reply: "K". FML

#20522482
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53584) - you deserved it (3906)

On 02/25/2013 at 11:33pm - intimacy - by n3ov (man) - Pakistan (Islamabad)

Today, while using a public restroom to change my tampon, I made eye contact with someone looking at me through the little space in the door. FML

#20496769
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39481) - you deserved it (2415)

On 02/07/2013 at 4:51am - misc - by fviz (woman) - United States

Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML

#20120541
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24917) - you deserved it (6498)

On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States

Today, as always, I have a very weak stomach. I'm in Japan right now, and all the unfamiliar foods set me off every time I eat. I can choose between having a great time and starving myself half to death, or sitting in my hotel room all day with stomach pains and diarrhea. FML

#19899821
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19529) - you deserved it (2802)

On 07/06/2012 at 12:04pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, my front house window was smashed. A note was left, saying 'I want my cat back'. I have no idea what they are talking about. FML

#18819686
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26105) - you deserved it (1900)

On 01/15/2012 at 11:17pm - misc - by James - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, a guy rang my doorbell, yelled "Happy Halloween" and then threw a bunch of leaves that he'd lit on fire at me. FML

#18612285
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28267) - you deserved it (2373)

On 12/25/2011 at 11:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, we had a sprint race in gym class which I wasn't looking forward to because I'm a little chubby. The race started and I shot off as fast as I could, somehow in the lead. Everyone was cheering. When I was nearing the finish line I turned around, only to see the race hadn't started yet. FML

#18285625
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34492) - you deserved it (8049)

On 11/18/2011 at 11:54pm - misc - by dan - Reserved

Today, I punched myself in the face while trying to eat a GoGurt. FML

#18112620
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23625) - you deserved it (15417)

On 10/30/2011 at 4:15pm - misc - by yum yogurt - United States (Kentucky)

Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML

#17981940
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44838) - you deserved it (5031)

On 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm - kids - by MLGreco - United States

Today, somebody ordered pizza and sent it to the house across the street from them, so they could shoot at the pizza guy with an air-soft gun from the upstairs of their house. I was that delivery guy. FML

#17973373
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29730) - you deserved it (1871)

On 10/13/2011 at 4:17am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was driving my eight year-old son to school when a guy cut me off, prompting me to yell "douche bag" as a reflex out of the window. Realizing my mistake, I turned to my son and told him to never, ever talk like that. His response was, "Too late, douche bag." FML

#17966458
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11714) - you deserved it (41576)

On 10/12/2011 at 8:37am - kids - by John W. (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, while taking a stroll in the park, a kid walked up to me and asked, "Do you believe in unicorns?" I answered, "No." He dunked his ice cream cone on my head, laughed hysterically, and ran off screaming, "BELIEVE!" FML

#17737717
166 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27947) - you deserved it (11467)

On 09/13/2011 at 5:21pm - misc - by unicorn - United States (Georgia)

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

#17712418
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28636) - you deserved it (2878)

On 09/10/2011 at 4:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)



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