Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

pete9913

Online | Search for a member

pete9913

2Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 856
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About pete9913 : I read these FMLs to get a laugh. At least I know I don't have it as bad as I think sometimes. I also usually come here on my phone, so sometimes I click on a YDI or FYL that I didn't mean to.

pete9913's page activity

Visits<b>kristameyer2</b> - the 07/02/2015 at 8:27pm<b>lulumars</b> - the 07/01/2015 at 1:57am<b>smeegle</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 6:47pm<b>stereomommy</b> - the 06/25/2015 at 12:20pm<b>Iwtumn</b> - the 06/24/2015 at 5:17pm<b>juststephhere</b> - the 06/23/2015 at 1:06pm<b>heartofhannah</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 10:52pm<b>hellpop</b> - the 05/07/2015 at 12:57pm<b>Mustardtiger811</b> - the 04/26/2015 at 9:05pm<b>themonesterman</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 9:01am<b>crazymadimadz</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 6:58am<b>FMLusername969</b> - the 03/17/2015 at 5:26am<b>FiFiLovee</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 8:44pm<b>m3b4u</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 1:45pm<b>heirofhope</b> - the 03/15/2015 at 9:58pm<b>TypicalDaniela</b> - the 03/01/2015 at 7:00pm<b>CharlieM78</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 5:48pm<b>feetlvr</b> - the 02/15/2015 at 7:11pm

Fucked!<b>kristameyer2</b> - the 07/03/2015 at 2:27am<b>heirofhope</b> - the 03/03/2015 at 3:55am

pete9913's FML badges

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

See all of pete9913's badges

pete9913's favorite FMLs

Today, another idiot was admitted to my hospital with a foreign object up his ass. Yet again, the excuse went along the lines of "I tripped and fell on it." Please, someone tell me how you can accidentally trip anus-first onto the end of a cucumber, which just so happens to have a condom on it. FML

#21432533
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30569) - you deserved it (2141)

On 06/26/2015 at 9:21pm - work - by Idiot says "HIPAA violation" (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I accidentally posted an extensive, negative review of the gynecologist I visited earlier this week. I messed up and posted it from my work's customer service email, so now it looks like the large, well-known company I work for had a poor gynecological experience. FML

#21432306
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15286) - you deserved it (20158)

On 06/26/2015 at 12:54pm - work - by AshWil - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my wife came back from her camping trip with her friends. I decided to help her out by unpacking her stuff while she used the bathroom. It's funny; I never knew that a dildo, a ball gag and an open pack of condoms were considered camping gear. FML

#21427521
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35824) - you deserved it (2578)

On 06/17/2015 at 10:12am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML

#21424715
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25974) - you deserved it (2300)

On 06/11/2015 at 10:12pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I had to endure the most mortifying ambulance ride of my life after my fiancé's cock ring got stuck on my tongue piercing. As I was trying not to choke or vomit, he actually high-fived one of the EMTs and tried to get him to take a picture on his phone. FML

#21424446
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29630) - you deserved it (8597)

On 06/11/2015 at 12:10pm - intimacy - by awkward - United Kingdom (Dumfries and Galloway)

Today, I found out that what I thought was my brother gasping and groaning in his dreams most nights is actually him jacking off. FML

#21421325
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25187) - you deserved it (3181)

On 06/05/2015 at 3:11pm - intimacy - by yuck (woman) -

Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

#21417917
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32483) - you deserved it (2832)

On 05/30/2015 at 3:28am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my dog was knocked unconscious. I had to race him to the vet and pay a small fortune for x-rays and shots. All because he ran into the kitchen at full speed and smashed headfirst into the refrigerator after hearing me open a bag of turkey. FML

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

#21412889
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34904) - you deserved it (2630)

On 05/20/2015 at 4:45am - intimacy - by wtf bro (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

#21410667
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30585) - you deserved it (2003)

On 05/15/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to work at my job as a CNA at a long-term care facility. I'm also on a medication that has a side effect of confusion. I had 3 residents with Alzheimer's tell me to 'get my shit together.' FML

Today, my 18-year-old boyfriend freaked out and kept asking me if I was sure I wouldn't get pregnant, because I forgot to take my birth control pill last night. We didn't actually have sex; he apparently thought me simply missing the pill would magically get me pregnant. The hell? FML

#21408378
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31794) - you deserved it (4827)

On 05/11/2015 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Midtjylland)

Today, I had sex with a guy I've liked for ages. We were lying in his bed afterwards, and he mumbled the word "happy". I thought it was really sweet, until he repeated himself. "My girlfriend probably won't be too happy about this." FML

#21407745
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31579) - you deserved it (5526)

On 05/10/2015 at 11:35am - intimacy - by YouDontSay (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I changed my toothbrush because the bristles were wearing down. My brother later asked me why I changed his toothbrush. Apparently we've been sharing the same one for the past several weeks. FML

#21403442
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29979) - you deserved it (3596)

On 05/02/2015 at 2:39pm - misc - by gross - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

#21403147
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32864) - you deserved it (3411)

On 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



FML's blog

  • Angie's illustrated FML
  • Here we go again. This week I'm talking to you live from the Paris Japan Expo. I'm dressed up as Bernard from the Sailor Moon series, and I almost got kicked out because my katana wasn't the…

Friday 3 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: