pengin

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Offline (the 06/02/2014 at 7:12am)

pengin

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 917
  • Number of comments : 86
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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pengin's page activity

Visits<b>TEZZ</b> - the 09/28/2015 at 1:35pm<b>asadskill</b> - the 01/17/2015 at 7:10pm<b>saf99me</b> - the 03/25/2014 at 4:25am<b>treynation</b> - the 08/01/2013 at 11:30am<b>catwho</b> - the 07/15/2013 at 4:49pm

pengin's FML badges

This isn't what should be happening

You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

See all of pengin's badges

pengin's favorite FMLs

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

by zamwow / 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2013 at 6:27pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Work

Today, I could think of more 'pros' than 'cons' for why I should start drinking again. FML

Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML

by SaveMeTeddy / 10/16/2013 at 2:48pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

by TiredMum / 10/16/2013 at 9:33am / United States (Washington) / Kids

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

by animal lover... / 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm / Animals

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

by -____- / 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, a friend complimented me on my "smoky eyeshadow". I wasn't wearing eye makeup. She was complimenting the result of my insomnia. FML

by Tired / 10/02/2013 at 12:22pm / United Kingdom (East Sussex) / Health

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

by Lilly / 10/02/2013 at 8:43am / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML

by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids

Today, my 15-year-old daughter said she wanted to become a "baby name expert". I chortled, until I looked it up. They actually exist. FML

by anotherfmladdict / 09/26/2013 at 3:06am / United States (Iowa) / Kids

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

by numbnuts / 09/23/2013 at 1:48am / Canada (British Columbia) / Kids

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

Today, while having sex with my wife, my Candy Crush addiction hit me full force, and all I could do was think about possible moves I could make in the level I'm stuck on. FML

by CandyCrushAddict / 09/21/2013 at 11:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy

Today, I walked in the bathroom to find my son cleaning his penis. It wouldn't have been so bad if he wasn't cleaning it with a toothbrush. FML

by clean / 09/16/2013 at 3:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Kids