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peenkfreek

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peenkfreek

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peenkfreek's favorite FMLs

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. It was all going great until he decided to try talking dirty. His idea of this was moaning loudly, "Just what the pussy ordered" as he entered me. FML

#21516882
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19508) - you deserved it (2213)

On 01/19/2016 at 6:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I finally had sex after a year-long dry spell. It caused an ovarian cyst to rupture and ended up with me in the ER. I'm afraid to ever have sex again. FML

#21515546
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21419) - you deserved it (1847)

On 01/15/2016 at 11:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I lost my virginity to my boyfriend of 7 years. He thrusted as fast as rabbits. I waited years for 10 seconds. FML

#21514734
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22513) - you deserved it (5901)

On 01/13/2016 at 1:30pm - intimacy - by ShouldveStayedAVirgin - United States (Texas)

Today, I was roused from my peaceful slumber by the sound of evil laughter coming from my closet. It was my old Furby, with dead batteries, that I could have sworn I got rid of several years ago. FML

Today, during dinner, my boyfriend slowly walked up next to me, got on one knee, and in one movement pointed at my feet and shouted, "WHAT ARE THOSE?!" FML

#21488023
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23065) - you deserved it (3278)

On 11/03/2015 at 5:06pm - love - by Wtf -

Today, at work, my coworker's belongings went missing. Infuriated, she accused me of stealing, because I'm black and "stereotypes don't just make themselves." FML

#21487717
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29244) - you deserved it (2356)

On 11/03/2015 at 1:58am - work - by Quicky5_ (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, my boyfriend told me that he doesn't know why I think deepthroating is so uncomfortable. To prove his point, he grabbed my dildo and effortlessly slid it down his throat. FML

#21479432
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31637) - you deserved it (5615)

On 10/13/2015 at 3:35am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I told my boyfriend that I love him. He replied, dead serious, "That's nice and all, but anal speaks louder than words." FML

#21477939
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29418) - you deserved it (4148)

On 10/09/2015 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by not impressed (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, at work, I saw a lady leave her infant in a display crib so she could go shopping. When I stopped her and told her she couldn't do that, she said, "Well, I do it all the time". FML

#21450242
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27637) - you deserved it (1889)

On 07/31/2015 at 11:30pm - kids - by Oihana - United States (North Carolina)

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

#21439825
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28994) - you deserved it (2648)

On 07/10/2015 at 11:49pm - misc - by Julianapilikusplatosophophes (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my wife was in seemingly never-ending labor. It got so bad, I overheard a nurse in the doorway mutter to a coworker that she hoped my baby would just die or something, so she could finally go take a smoke break. FML

#21439756
223 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37538) - you deserved it (1958)

On 07/10/2015 at 9:23pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my boyfriend's brother and fiancé decided to preach to me about how I need to read the Bible because I'm agnostic. I'd be fine if it wasn't coming from two 19-year-olds who dated for 5 months, got pregnant, got engaged, lost the baby, and still wanna get married, "so they don't look bad." FML

#21438785
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25816) - you deserved it (2223)

On 07/08/2015 at 11:24pm - misc - by ZiggyTink - United States (Minnesota)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first ever blowjob and she surprised me by deciding to swallow. Or so I thought. When she came up to kiss me, she spat my man-milk into my mouth and almost pissed herself laughing when I freaked out and nearly threw up. FML

#21428553
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33608) - you deserved it (14042)

On 06/19/2015 at 12:17pm - intimacy - by shmarf (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my mother got heartburn. She claimed she only gets heartburn when she is near a pregnant woman. She threatened to kick me out of the house if I didn't take a pregnancy test, despite there being no way I was pregnant. Turns out, I am pregnant, and my mother's ego has never been bigger. FML

#21427606
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31955) - you deserved it (9232)

On 06/17/2015 at 2:09pm - kids - by RecentCollegeGrad (woman) -

Today, my mother found my escaped pet snake after she had already washed and dried it with the laundry. FML

#21419928
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29783) - you deserved it (4098)

On 06/02/2015 at 9:34pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)



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