About peanutfoo : I love animals and think fmls are hilarious.
peanutfoo's FML badges
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
peanutfoo's favorite FMLs
Today, after months of trying to train my cockatiel to perch on my finger, he finally trusted me enough to fly from his cage and land on my hand. I panicked and accidentally backhanded him across the room. FML
by parasheeeet / 01/13/2016 at 12:05pm / United States (Alabama) / Animals
by ohtheirony / 12/10/2015 at 2:49pm / United States (Nevada) / Health
Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML
Today, I got out of bed, soaked up the beautiful sunlight, and went to the kitchen to make some coffee. I saw my dad rummaging through the fridge, shirtless and one ball poking through his underwear. I needed to see that about as much as I need ass cancer. FML
by eyegouger15 / 11/13/2015 at 11:32am / United States / Miscellaneous
by ok cool / 10/12/2015 at 9:53pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML
by horp / 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm / United States (Connecticut) / Work
Today, my dad was telling me some childhood stories. He mentioned I once started sucking on a cow's udder when I was 2, and I asked why didn't he stop me. His response: "You were an accident and I wasn't good at the parenting thing". FML
by gotmilk? / 09/22/2015 at 9:41am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by siddance / 09/04/2015 at 2:08pm / United States (California) / Health
by Anonymous / 08/26/2015 at 3:45am / India (West Bengal) / Love
Today, my drill sergeant was yelling at me and asking me questions. I got a question wrong, and he asked me if I am a "Shit Sandwich". I replied "Yes sir, with extra cheese." I'm running miles till the day I die. FML
by BarhydtBran / 08/17/2015 at 9:55pm / United States (California) / Work
by whydoihavecats / 08/04/2015 at 3:19pm / United Kingdom / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/31/2015 at 2:55pm / United States (California) / Animals
Today, my co-worker told me how "lucky" I am that I "chose" to be a lesbian, because I don't have to deal with "guy drama". I spent two years of my adolescence sleeping at a bus stop and begging strangers for money after I got kicked out of home. FML
by Lesbihonest / 06/17/2015 at 9:31am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Junkiegamer / 04/27/2015 at 10:20am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML
by Silverfeathery / 12/01/2014 at 9:06pm / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room.… Today, I woke up after having had sex with my 4-year crush expecting to find him in bed next to me.… Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to my wife muttering "God, I want you so bad". Figuring…