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peachapple's favorite FMLs
Today, after an hour of crying over a guy I like, I put on some Adele and sang along. My mom quickly took notice and came to give me advice, which was to "get over it" because he doesn't want me, and that "masturbation beats relationships hands down." Gee, thanks mom. FML
by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 1:22pm / New Zealand (Waikato) / Love
Today, I found a lost dog and called the owner. When he arrived, I thought it would be cute to put the dog down so he would run back into his owner's arms, like in movies. As soon as I put the dog down, it ran away again. FML
by DrakeB / 01/20/2013 at 11:34am / United States (Washington) / Animals
Today, I was discussing with my husband how it was time I stopped taking birth control so we could have a baby. He looked at me and said sincerely, "We're a little young to be having kids, don't you think?". He's 35 and I'm 32. FML
by StillTooYoung / 01/20/2013 at 8:13am / United States (Kentucky) / Love
by musicalrose_21 / 01/20/2013 at 7:27am / United Kingdom (West Sussex) / Work
by Anonymous / 01/20/2013 at 12:01am / United States / Love
Today, I was reading a book in bed when my dad came to check whether or not I was asleep. To avoid any conversation, I pretended that I was. Turns out he was just checking whether he and my mom could have sex while I was fast asleep. I couldn't plug my ears in time. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 9:55pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, after a very heartfelt conversation with my mother, I promised her that I'd quit smoking. I walked in on her smoking my cigarettes an hour later. Her excuse was that she didn't want my money to have gone to waste. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 7:46pm / United Kingdom / Health
Today, I woke up following one of the worst nightmares of my life. I was sweating, clutching the sheets, and feeling sick to the stomach. I'd been dreaming of my wedding that's taking place next week. FML
by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 6:35pm / United Kingdom (Somerset) / Love
Today, I attended my aunt's open-casket funeral. My sister spent the first quarter of an hour neither grieving nor celebrating her life, but whining that the "cute" clothes my aunt was dressed in could have been handed down to her, instead of being "wasted". FML
by sophietr8 / 01/19/2013 at 3:38pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Miscellaneous
Today, while sledding with my daughter, I tried getting her to go down a steeper slope than she's used to. She was worried she'd crash, so I went first to show her how it's done. I lost control halfway down the hill, bailed, and rolled into a tree. My wife has it on video. FML
by Fluffydemise / 01/19/2013 at 1:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/19/2013 at 11:50am / United Kingdom (Warwickshire) / Love
by Claire / 01/19/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Maryland) / Love
by tingles / 01/19/2013 at 8:20am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Intimacy
Today, I went to a family dinner. My grandma wasted no time calling me a slut for not wearing a dress, my dad called my police officer boyfriend a "fucking pig", and then he told my mother to "put a cock in it" when she defended me. No wonder I hardly ever visit these people. FML
by mel / 01/18/2013 at 6:18pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. The first thing my dad did was comment that given how pretty she looked in our photos, and compared to how she looks in real life, she's amazing at using Photoshop. FML
by dpap / 01/18/2013 at 6:03pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…