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pborshay's favorite FMLs
by Raiders4ever / 10/20/2009 at 8:44pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids
Today, my husband and I decided to take a romantic trip to the beach. We got pulled over, and shortly thereafter he was arrested. Just so happens you can't miss child support payments for your twelve year old daughter without getting a warrant. He has a daughter? We've been married for 14 years. FML
by AreYouSerious / 08/26/2009 at 8:57pm / United States (Oregon) / Holidays
Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML
by thefailure / 08/02/2009 at 12:21am / United States (Georgia) / Love
by emily / 07/30/2009 at 4:58am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving 3 of my guy friends to a party that was half an hour away. There was an awkward silence for most of the trip. I just figured out why now. I've had sex with all 3 of my guy friends. They talk about it when I'm not around. FML
by Anonymous / 06/25/2009 at 7:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation
Today, I heard my daughter scream at my son through the bathroom door, "Are you jacking off in there or something?" and him scream back at her "Shut up you fucking cunt!" My daughter is 7 and my son is 8. FML
by badmom / 06/10/2009 at 2:09pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, I realized my friends and I should be more careful what we say around my younger brother. I never thought he was paying attention until today. My stepmom told him it was time to go to bed. He responded, "I think it's time for you to suck one." My brother is 4. FML
by Alex / 03/26/2009 at 12:42am / United States (Georgia) / Kids
Today, at the dinner table my parents were talking to my younger sister about her new boyfriend and how they should be taking it slow. My sister then pointed out that that's not what I do. My dad said, "Believe me I know- your sister's easier to get into than community college." FML
by Noname / 03/13/2009 at 4:54pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML
by badtrip / 03/02/2009 at 10:21pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love
Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up?!" FML
by offbeans / 02/16/2009 at 9:29pm / United States (California) / Kids
- Today, was the first time giving head to my boyfriend. He couldn't finish, so I tried a handjob. In… Today, I read an article with tips on how to give girls full-body orgasms and I decided to test a… Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis…