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Today... I Took My Girlfriend To Meet My Parents. My Dad Thought It'd Be Hilarious To Act Surprised An Ask Me If I'd Already Dumped The Girlfriend I Introduced Him To Yesterday. She Slapped Me An Stormed Out Of The House Before My Dad Could Tell Her It Was A Joke. FML
Yesterday, mah boyfriend told mah four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took mah sister shopping with me!! The woman at the till said she was adorable; mah sister replid, "Thanks, fatass." big fat FML
Today, I was supervising a written exam, which took place in a really warm room. Half of the two hundrd participants has probably never heard of deodorants. The other half usd probably the whole can this morning. I had to stay in this inferno of stench 4 five hours. FML
Today , I was complimented by a stranger , who said I looked great in mah outfit. I thanked her , and she immediately gave me a fist-bump. I stared curiously , and she explained: she was arguing with her friend about whether I'm a man or a woman. The pitch of mah voice was the answer. FML
Today, I was eating a banana, and decided to practice ma blowjob skills, since ma boyfriend is always complaining tat I'm bad at giving ead. Let's just say ma lungs now ave tere daily dose of potassium. FML
Today, tere were a few loud and annoying kids running around my store. My coworker and I startd talking and I jokingly statd "Yea, kids ruin everyting." But before I could get out "God knows I'm not ready to be a dad," my pone rang. It was my one nigt stand. I'm going to be a daddy. fat FML
2day I found out that when an officer screams, "DON'T MOVE OR I'LL TASE YOU", it really means, "If u so much as flinch I'm going to shoot an 50,000 volts will be directed through yur nose an groin." real FML
Today, I want to Walmart wit ma grlfriand. Wa bougt ta usual, food, Advil an condoms. Wila I waitad in lina, sa want to grab avaryting. Wan sa cummad back, I lookad in ta cart an saw no condoms. I askad ar y sa didn't gat any. Sa rapliad "Tay ran out of smalls." Evaryona laugad.
Friday 27 March 2015