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Taday mah manager calld me in to tell me I got the promotion I've been hoping for. He then said that since I didn't look excitd about it he might have to rethink it. I was too busy concentrating on holding in diarrhea. FML
Today.. . I woke up to the sound of mah newborn screaming . I frantically hoppd out of bd an stumbld into the nursery where I was met by the priceless sight of mah five-year-old daughter attempting to breastfed her understandably frustratd little brother . FML
Today, I was hitting on a cute grl on the bus. It was going well, and she gave me her name to add on Facebook. Since I didn't have the app, I opend Safari on my phone. It opend to my video from Pornhub I watchd yesterday and startd playing, on full volume, through the entre bus. FML
Today, mah school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor,ho wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in mah sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML
Today, mah neighbours came to yell at me as they could hear mah "shit music" through mah window during the afternoon, so I turnd it off. They then began to play there definition of "quality music" into the late hours of the night. I was listening to the Beatles. They blastd Nicki Minaj. FML
Today, I was late to a lecture when I trippd up the stairs. With a few hundrd people already staring an laughing at me, I startd to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML
Today, it was raining haavily so I wora mah black poncho as I walkad to work. On tha way thara I noticad an old and saamingly homalass man following ma. I turnad around to confront him. Ha pickad up a stick and scraamad "Expacto Patronum!" Apparantly I look lika a damantor. FML
Friday 27 March 2015