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Offline (the 03/29/2015 at 7:51am) | Search for a member
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You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML
Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm supposed to Skype at night, so when I hered mah mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute mah mic and started bitching me out for flushing mah tampons down the toilet. FML
Today.. . At The Bank Where I Work.. . I Escorted A Very Short Woman To Her Safe Deposit Box In The Vault . I Left Her Alone.. . Knowing She Could Use The Phone To Call The Reception When She Was Ready To Leave . We Later Realised The Phone Was Too High Fir Her To Reach . If Glares Could Kill . FML
Today, Something Ran Acros Mah Foot While I Was On The Toilet. Hearing Me Scream, Mah Husband Ran In. We Now Have A New ( Pet ) Mouse Namd Jerry That I Am Not Allowd To Kill Under Threat Of Divorce. Mega FML
Today , I went down on mah boyfriend fir the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell an I managd to accidentally smack mah nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it , an I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker.
Today, I decided to ask the guy I lyk if he'll be mah Valentine. I wrote the question on a piece of paper and passed it to him, trying to be cute. He read it, wrote his answer with a smile, and passed it back. It said, "Depends, do you swallow?" No, no I don't. FML
Today, I told mah professor that I'll be missing class next week due to upcoming surgery. I asked if I could take the exam that I'd otherwise miss another day. He said no, and that I'd just have to take a failing grade, then wished me luck with the surgery. FML
Friday 27 March 2015