About pattycakeys12 : Not entirely sure how you got here since I don't comment and I don't stalk,very often;), but gimme a fuck and ill fuck ya back
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pattycakeys12's favorite FMLs
by bglenney / 08/15/2013 at 5:47am / United States (California) / Work
Today, I was having dinner with my boyfriend's family, and he was saying how well his driving lessons are going. During this conversation his mum told him to "stop blowing your own trumpet." He replied, "If I could do that, I wouldn't need Anna." His dad gave him a high-five. FML
by NoMoreTrumpetBlowing / 08/14/2013 at 12:22pm / United Kingdom / Intimacy
Today, I was visiting my cousin's farm. Going out for a morning stroll, I took an apple with me to munch along the way. As I was eating it, I heard a distant thumping sound and was suddenly slammed into the ground. When I looked up, a horse was eating my apple. I got mugged by a horse. FML
by Anonymous / 08/14/2013 at 5:11am / United States (Florida) / Animals
Today, my teacher told the class that we had better like the people at our table because we would all be working together for the final group assessment. Everyone looked at me, stood up, and moved. FML
by Anonymous / 08/13/2013 at 2:36am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/10/2013 at 6:05am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/09/2013 at 7:29pm / Switzerland / Health
Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML
by (._. ) / 08/06/2013 at 4:35pm / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML
by benjo / 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm / United States / Kids
Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML
by offuckingcourse / 08/06/2013 at 1:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by YouSoSmelly / 08/02/2013 at 9:58am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/02/2013 at 1:03am / United States (California) / Love
by father of the year / 08/01/2013 at 2:21am / United States / Kids
by Anonymous / 07/31/2013 at 12:49pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, I took a run in the woods. Almost halfway through, I started to feel like I was going to faint. I was so dizzy that my sight was getting blurry. I went to sit down on what seemed like a rock. It wasn't a rock. It was a huge snapping turtle. FML
by Anonymous / 07/30/2013 at 7:19pm / United States (Illinois) / Animals
by JustSomeGuy / 07/29/2013 at 11:43pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…