Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

pandemic

Search for a member

pandemic
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1036
  • Number of comments : 151
  • Number of FMLs : 1 confirmed out of 14 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

pandemic's last visitors

guineagirladam97Surferboy139numbernegative0ThriceWrittenwhatisntlovemFUNdo21MornaiAniblecobyredrovaa

pandemic's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

pandemic's favorite FMLs

Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML

#14718702
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12825) - you deserved it (19477)

On 01/26/2011 at 9:48am - animals - by lizzy1843 - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, as I put my 4 year old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

#13450247
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20173) - you deserved it (8043)

On 10/14/2010 at 8:25pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my husband pooped the bed for the second time since we've been married. We've been married a month. FML

#13361904
230 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43363) - you deserved it (4704)

On 10/08/2010 at 1:23am - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2am. This old man pulls in and asks me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replies, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML

#13326946
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25863) - you deserved it (5620)

On 10/05/2010 at 5:41am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was at a comedy club, and the girl behind me was drinking. Before she swallowed it, the comedian said something funny, making her spit it all in my hair. I had just had it done for my sister's wedding tomorrow. FML

#13190418
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21913) - you deserved it (4266)

On 09/25/2010 at 12:49am - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I told my parents I no longer believe in the religion they strictly raised me under. They responded by kicking me out of the house. I'm broke, jobless and the only person that will take me in is my psycho ex-girlfriend who never got over me. FML

#13165960
262 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29901) - you deserved it (13904)

On 09/23/2010 at 2:08am - misc - by non believer - United States (Washington)

Today, I put an anonymous note under my neighbour's door asking them to not have sex so loudly during the day. Since then, I haven't heard any sex. Unfortunately, I have heard a woman crying loudly because she just found out about her husband's affair. FML

#13157318
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42386) - you deserved it (9534)

On 09/22/2010 at 3:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Northamptonshire)

Today, I noticed my kitten was growling and twitching in his sleep. I tried to wake him up by gently prodding him. He responded by waking up and attacking my face. FML

#13137584
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8401) - you deserved it (24884)

On 09/21/2010 at 12:38am - health - by meowmeow - Australia

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

#13127028
204 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31508) - you deserved it (3353)

On 09/20/2010 at 10:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I was bringing the garbage cans inside and noticed one felt a little heavy. I opened it, only to find a raccoon. A very angry raccoon. FML

#13094765
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26594) - you deserved it (2296)

On 09/18/2010 at 2:31am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, whilst at my awards night, I got a boner, right as it was my turn to accept my award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up and under my belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, because the head of my penis poked out through my shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML

Today, my ex-boyfriend's mother came up to me at school, yelling and causing a scene in front of everyone for breaking her son's heart. We broke up over a year ago because he was cheating on me. FML

#13073501
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29731) - you deserved it (1887)

On 09/16/2010 at 12:23pm - love - by whatabitch (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized the guy I like is not deaf. This would normally be good news. However, for the past two weeks I assumed he was deaf after seeing him use sign language. I've been openly talking about him within earshot. FML

#13049804
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6467) - you deserved it (38620)

On 09/14/2010 at 4:00pm - love - by Jackie - United States (California)

Today, a grasshopper jumped into my car. As my boyfriend swiped at it, the grasshopper jumped onto my chest and into my shirt. Instead of helping me get it out, my boyfriend leaned back and said, "It got to second base faster than I did." FML

#13045293
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24323) - you deserved it (9205)

On 09/14/2010 at 3:27am - love - by tickyette (woman) - United States

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
417 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28824) - you deserved it (26801)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version



Bénédicte's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Bénédicte's Illustrated FML
  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: