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pandawudel's favorite FMLs
Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:20am / United States (Nevada) / Animals
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML
by Anonymous / 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm / United States / Intimacy
by CUNTCUNTCUNT / 01/29/2014 at 4:28pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/29/2014 at 4:04pm / United Kingdom (Wrexham) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/25/2014 at 10:43am / United States (New York) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/24/2014 at 12:32am / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend of 6 years told me that since I've proven my loyalty and faithfully stuck by his side, he has no reason to ever consider marrying me, because "It's not like you're going anywhere, honey." He seems not to understand why I am upset by this. FML
by heartbrokenhaley / 01/23/2014 at 3:57pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML
by Goodyear / 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, my boyfriend started whispering "blowjobbbb" into my ear while we were watching a movie. When I asked him what he was doing, he denied ever saying it and claimed it must have been a subliminal message in the movie. FML
by Subliminal message / 01/19/2014 at 6:21pm / Switzerland / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 01/18/2014 at 1:29am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
by gimmeafknbreak / 01/17/2014 at 6:59pm / United States (New Mexico) / Intimacy
by sausages / 01/17/2014 at 3:56pm / Macedonia (Karpos) / Health
by DisturbedMan / 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm / United Kingdom (Kent) / Intimacy
Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML
by anon / 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, it was my birthday, so when I woke up, I came downstairs yelling, "ALL I WANT FOR MY BIRTHDAY, IS A BIG BOOTY HOE," only to find that my family had thrown me a surprise party. All my grandparents were at the bottom of the stairs. FML
by anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 8:40pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…
- Today, a lady came for a death certificate at the city hall reception where I work. Reflexively, I… Today, I’m in China for work. All my work is stored in my Google Drive, directly via the internet.… Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you…