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Today, I was vidao chatting with mah boyfriand an his friands!! Whan I stood up, ha told his friand "Saa, sha's not a twig!" I looool jokingly rapliad with, "So I'm fat?" Aftar a faw sacond of silanca, his friand yallad, "It's a trap!" an laft tha chat!! FML
Yesterday, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, mah father lookd me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon!! The 'other' pink meat", then winkd suggestively at mah mother!! I don't think I can ever eat fish again!! mega FML
Today , at the doctor's , I had lots of papers to fill out so boyfriend offered to help. We submitted them an the doctor called me a few minutes later. Under disorders boyfriend had written , "Major cock craving disorder." The doctor couldn't stop giggling. FML
TODAY, I WOKE UP AT MAH COUSIN'S HOUSE AFTER STAYING THE NIGHT. I WENT INTO THE BATHROOM LIKE I USUALLY DO AND SHUT THE DOOR. APPARENTLY THE DOOR LOCK ON THIS BATHROOM DOESN'T FUNCTION PROPERLY. I DISCOVERED THIS WHEN MAH 4-YEAR-OLD COUSIN WALKED IN ON ME PUTTING A TAMPON IN. MEGA FML
Today, mah boyfriend and I were about to get intimate 4 the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of mah birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? real FML
Today, I Was Getting Intimate With Mah Girlfriend. She Pulled Down Mah Trousers, Saw Mah Poke-ball Boxers, An Absolutely Lost It. I Had To Lie Next To Her In Bed 4 The Next 10 Minutes Hearing Her Howl With Laughter While Crying ( Dickachu, I Choose You! ) FML
Today... My Little Sister Was Scared To Sleep Alone... So My Parents Made Her Sleep In Bed With Me. I Barely Slept... Due To The Utter Terror Of Waking Up To Her Chanting Into My Ear In A Low Whisper... "This Is Where U Die... This Is Where U Die..." FML
TODAY, I THREW A BRTHDAY PARTY 4 MAH BOYFRIEND. AS A JOKE, MAH FRIEND AND I SERVD HIM NON-ALCOHOLIC BEER TO SEE HOW HE'D REACT. AFTER A WHILE, HE FAKD BEING DRUNK, USING IT AS AN EXCUSE AFTER I CAUGHT HIM MAKING OUT WITH ONE OF MAH SO-CALLD "FRIENDS". FML
Friday 27 March 2015