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pandabear9392

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pandabear9392

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  • Number of visits : 84
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  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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pandabear9392's page activity

Visits<b>Raidriar</b> - the 07/03/2014 at 2:40am<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 02/06/2014 at 4:50pm

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pandabear9392's favorite FMLs

Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37883) - you deserved it (5514)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my husband and I decided to have a quickie before the kids woke up from their nap. The sex was amazing and I couldn't hold in my screams or not hit the wall. About 15 minutes in, both of our children came busting in with their nerf guns, screaming, "Where's the monster?" FML

#21025946
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53419) - you deserved it (32418)

On 01/12/2014 at 8:53pm - intimacy - by anon (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML

#20816318
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51723) - you deserved it (11179)

On 08/02/2013 at 12:39am - intimacy - by whyeventry? (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, it's been two months since I got a kitten. He loves to hide, and then surprise me by jumping out of his hiding place. It was quite a surprise when he launched himself out of my bag during class. FML

#20483320
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45470) - you deserved it (5934) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/28/2013 at 2:52pm - animals - by Kitten_Love - Sent from mobile version

Today, I sold some weights that were way too heavy for me on Craigslist. I felt okay with not being able to lift them when I saw the other man, who was a pretty buff dude; that is until of course he informed me he was buying them for his wife. FML

#20407956
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26256) - you deserved it (7775)

On 12/19/2012 at 6:33pm - misc - by Johnny (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I took a picture of myself wearing a whipped cream bra with cherry nipples, captioned, "I hope you enjoyed your dinner, now how about some dessert???" I meant to send it to my fiancé. I sent it by mistake to my dad. FML

#20176010
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18398) - you deserved it (44229)

On 11/24/2012 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Whipped Cream - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my friends and I were playing truth or dare game. It was late and we were drunk, so they dared me to run naked into my neighbor's yard while yelling, "Help! The pixies took my penis!" I ran screaming right into their big family reunion. FML

#20172584
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7322) - you deserved it (32291)

On 11/21/2012 at 4:06pm - misc - by nekkidness (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went to the hospital in labor expecting a baby boy. I ended the day with identical twins, a baffled doctor, and a husband convinced that our sons can clone themselves. FML

#20139353
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25628) - you deserved it (2380)

On 10/29/2012 at 9:30pm - kids - by CutestBoysEver (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

#19641324
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21230) - you deserved it (5787)

On 05/18/2012 at 10:13am - kids - by 23yearoldtoddler - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is very self conscious about her body, finally decided to have sex with me. She told me to wait a few minutes, so I did. I stripped and turned around to find her in a one-piece swimsuit, with a hole cut out of the crotch. FML

#17088739
429 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73685) - you deserved it (7678)

On 07/13/2011 at 1:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while all the other marines got to fly around the island on a helicopter, I got stuck on gear guard. What was I guarding? The staff sergeant's parking spot. FML

#16320641
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32679) - you deserved it (4068)

On 05/23/2011 at 10:41pm - work - by rogerusmc23 - Japan (Tokyo)

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to take our first shower together. When he came into the room, he had swimming trunks on. FML

#14404021
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34345) - you deserved it (5009)

On 12/31/2010 at 1:21am - intimacy - by Anonymous -

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

#13026235
416 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31635) - you deserved it (28365)

On 09/12/2010 at 9:38pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

#5903153
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21139) - you deserved it (3544)

On 10/19/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by JohnB (man) - United States (Washington)



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