Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

palahniukpaul

Search for a member

palahniukpaul

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 1697
  • Number of comments : 60
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

About palahniukpaul : Um... HI!!!!

palahniukpaul's page activity

Visits<b>FusionPlacebo</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 11:04am<b>Sockturtle</b> - the 07/16/2015 at 5:35pm<b>LiteralxShit</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 5:53am<b>sevazilla</b> - the 06/28/2015 at 11:29pm<b>VirtualZircon</b> - the 06/13/2015 at 11:21am<b>WCARlover</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 11:29pm<b>adamant84</b> - the 06/08/2015 at 2:20pm<b>max367</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 8:57pm<b>sh4rpestl1ves</b> - the 05/15/2015 at 10:04pm<b>Kijrahi</b> - the 04/24/2015 at 12:36am<b>NateSchmitz</b> - the 04/14/2015 at 12:30am<b>Malteser95</b> - the 03/23/2015 at 7:33am<b>silverleaf81</b> - the 03/16/2015 at 11:06pm<b>AngelOf_Darkness</b> - the 03/12/2015 at 6:49pm<b>UndyingKarma</b> - the 03/04/2015 at 5:18pm<b>CinematicKid</b> - the 02/21/2015 at 3:57pm<b>Plastinate</b> - the 02/14/2015 at 8:04pm<b>Rawrshi</b> - the 02/06/2015 at 12:37am

palahniukpaul's FML badges

50 favourites

Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!

Beginner

You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of palahniukpaul's badges

palahniukpaul's favorite FMLs

Today, while I was peacefully sleeping, I felt a hand suddenly slap my forehead. Then fingers began to press against my mouth, then nose, then eyes. I finally woke up to my girlfriend laughing hysterically. She'd confused me with her clock-radio. FML

#18814667
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28152) - you deserved it (3475) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/15/2012 at 1:14pm - love - by Vitriol (man) - France

Today, I am 8 weeks pregnant. I have debilitating 'morning sickness' all day. And now I get to add peeing my pants every time I throw up. FML

#18734137
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28439) - you deserved it (4674)

On 01/07/2012 at 9:07am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up after a long night of partying. When I went to wash off my face, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My missing tooth was almost enough to make me overlook my black eye. FML

#18674490
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10708) - you deserved it (29165)

On 01/01/2012 at 12:19pm - misc - by msnewyearseve - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend decided to raid my games collection and try her hand at Amnesia: The Dark Descent. Two hours later, despite my best attempts to make her stop shrieking like a dying crackhead every two minutes, two cops showed up at the door with our neighbors in tow. FML

#18657725
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22887) - you deserved it (2588)

On 12/30/2011 at 9:43pm - misc - by axel519 (man) - United States

Today, while having sex, I told my boyfriend that I love him. I could feel him go soft inside me. FML

#18657042
312 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43378) - you deserved it (9163)

On 12/30/2011 at 8:36pm - intimacy - by KrissyBearr - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML

#18650275
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28734) - you deserved it (4014)

On 12/30/2011 at 1:35am - love - by wellthatsawkward (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I was taking people's orders at the drive-thru. I was confused as to why people were screaming their orders at me, until one of my managers handed me a paper that he'd found taped to the menu, saying "speak loudly speaker isn't working properly." Punkd. FML

#18649632
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23908) - you deserved it (2886)

On 12/30/2011 at 12:38am - work - by Ashton Sprunger - United States

Today, my separation anxiety got so intense, I found myself smelling my boyfriend's pillow. FML

#18566755
149 comments

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job. I thought it was going great and I was doing a good job, until he told me to "stop chomping on it like it's a hot dog." FML

#18513189
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20940) - you deserved it (26244)

On 12/14/2011 at 6:12pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I photocopied several hundred pages of my school's textbook because I didn't want to buy it. My school later says to just buy it and it will be reimbursed. FML

#18399255
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8853) - you deserved it (29458)

On 11/30/2011 at 10:52pm - work - by ChrisD2V - United States (California)

Today, my mom went through my textbook and sharpied everything that could be "pornographic." It's a high-school biology textbook. FML

#18369717
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30462) - you deserved it (1835)

On 11/27/2011 at 8:07pm - misc - by wow - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my wife has been bribing my daughter to keep quiet about her affair with my boss. That would explain the iPhone 4S, the $500 shoes, the $200 purse, and the professional $300 haircut. They told me it was because she had straight A's. FML

#18302011
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44993) - you deserved it (3482)

On 11/20/2011 at 9:05pm - kids - by brokeandalone (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

#18301043
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24408) - you deserved it (6272)

On 11/20/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by jazzybell - United States (Michigan)

Today, I found out that a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser will erase the paint right off your wall. FML

#18301043
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24408) - you deserved it (6272)

On 11/20/2011 at 7:29pm - misc - by jazzybell - United States (Michigan)

Today, I went camping and shared a tent with this girl I have been sleeping with here and there for a year. To impress her, I popped a certain male enhancement supplement. Thirty minutes later I found out she was on her period. What a long night. FML

#18300773
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11364) - you deserved it (40832)

On 11/20/2011 at 6:51pm - intimacy - by johnnydoe6969 - United States



FML's blog

  • Feeling shitty? Write to Auntie Bernie!
  • It's a new summer, so here's a new feature. OK, that doesn't mean much, but you've got to start somewhere. The idea came from the fact that we get sent a lot of FMLs that touch us, in our heart of…

Friday 24 July 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: