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paintedwings12's favorite FMLs
by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
by Anonymous / 11/16/2013 at 2:31pm / Miscellaneous
Today, my mum staggered home, piss drunk. When I tried to walk her to her room, she shoved me away and cursed at me for being a "goody two-shoes". She then slurred "I fucked your mum", and informed me that my mum is a skank. That's good to know, mum. FML
by mummer11 / 11/15/2013 at 12:49pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
by jack s.b. / 11/14/2013 at 5:15pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by f / 11/09/2013 at 6:30pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by JN5SLK / 11/08/2013 at 5:29pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
by probablydodgedabullet / 11/08/2013 at 6:30am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML
by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML
by nl4 / 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm / Israel (Tel Aviv) / Health
Today, it's the fourth day of my new diet. I told my friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in my pocket then scarfed them down while pooping. FML
by Anonymous / 11/01/2013 at 2:52pm / United States (Kansas) / Health
Today, I rushed to a dentist's appointment. Once in the chair, I apologized for not having had the time to brush my teeth beforehand. He responded with, "Ah that's alright, I just took a piss and forgot to wash my hands." FML
by Anonymous / 10/29/2013 at 2:57pm / Zimbabwe / Health
by MsConfusedd / 10/27/2013 at 12:11am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
by DOCMONROE / 09/30/2013 at 6:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Health
- Today, I live in Romania and my walls are particularly thin. After enduring my neighbor’s parties,… Today, on the road in China, I committed a small offense. A cop saw me, stopped me and told me that… Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish…