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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Friday 28 January 1994 (21 years)
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 3511
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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paintedwings12's page activity

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paintedwings12's favorite FMLs

Today, at my first day working at Walmart, a customer asked if we have any egg cookers. I said I wasn't sure, but that I'd be "eggstatic" to go ask for him. The first clue I got to suggest he hated puns was him yelling "Don't get smart with me, boy!" and then threatening to kill me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43641) - you deserved it (9688)

On 06/19/2014 at 4:10pm - work - by fuckmyjob (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my girlfriend thought it'd be witty to buy a miniature stop sign, and hold it up when she gets bored during sex. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52638) - you deserved it (14767)

On 06/19/2014 at 10:37am - love - by stopinthenameoflove - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my older brother managed to convince my younger sister that she's actually a boy, and that she'll soon be getting a penis in the mail, which she excitedly told everyone she could. He convinced me of the exact same thing as well several years ago. FML


I agree, your life sucks (47148) - you deserved it (6747)

On 06/14/2014 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, I woke up screaming like a little bitch. I'd been having a bizarre dream where I was having sex with Homer Simpson, when he suddenly had a heart attack and fell on me, crushing me to death. I think my brain needs a douching. FML


I agree, your life sucks (52017) - you deserved it (7857)

On 06/11/2014 at 6:20pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I broke my nose trying to pop a zit. FML


I agree, your life sucks (46695) - you deserved it (21195)

On 06/09/2014 at 3:36pm - health - by blanknameisblank (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, some alarm, somewhere in my house, is making a low battery noise. I've checked every smoke detector multiple times, and I can't find it. It has been hours. I'm not sure if its still doing it or if the sound has just invaded my brain. FML

Today, my brain decided to go into suicide mode. So far I've managed to open a fridge door into my face, walk balls-first into the corner of a table, and sliced my finger while trying to cut open some thick plastic packaging with scissors. I'll probably be dead by the time this is posted. FML


I agree, your life sucks (50132) - you deserved it (5775)

On 06/06/2014 at 5:26pm - health - by FMyBrain (man) - United States (Alaska)

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML


I agree, your life sucks (49612) - you deserved it (5480)

On 05/31/2014 at 9:53pm - animals - by disturbed - Ireland

Today, I asked my grandmother what she looked like when she was young. She casually replied, "I was ugly, sweetie. Just like you." FML


I agree, your life sucks (41916) - you deserved it (4242)

On 03/07/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Philippines (Quezon City)

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43492) - you deserved it (6933) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 02/11/2014 at 5:01am - work - by norina (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML


I agree, your life sucks (60785) - you deserved it (9675)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML


I agree, your life sucks (63205) - you deserved it (5624)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48533) - you deserved it (5445)

On 01/11/2014 at 12:55am - love - by rollergirl13 - United States (Alaska)

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML


I agree, your life sucks (51814) - you deserved it (18465)

On 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm - animals - by Z3R0G5 (man) - United States (Indiana)

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  • Hardcore will never die, but you will. We’re back with some rock n roll, or dare I say it, some punk rock. Don't run away, it's not that terrible stuff that emo kids listen to while slashing their…

Friday 2 October 2015

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