MArrIed WiTh 3 kIdS wOO!!!
Today, I was going to have sex with my hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "pollo frito". I then proceeded to have sex, constantly screaming pollo frito for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FML
I agree, your life sucks (28510) - you totally deserved it (88175)
On 04/06/2009 at 3:51pm - intimacy - by FML.. (woman) - China (Hebei)
Today, I tasted the rainbow. By that, I mean a homeless man hit me in the face with a bag of Skittles for not giving him money. FML
I agree, your life sucks (69304) - you totally deserved it (8887)
On 04/03/2009 at 5:43am - money - by rovery (man) - United States (California)
Today, I went to a party and the cops came to bust the party. I jumped out the window of a second story house in order to avoid getting arrested. I broke my leg in three places and got a concussion. The cops let everyone go with a warning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21827) - you totally deserved it (102887)
On 03/16/2009 at 12:02pm - misc - by natty (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my mom came to me and asked if I had drank her wine. I'm 16, so I lied and said "no". The next morning there was a DVD on my bed labeled "pool house security cameras - love mom." It was a video of me downing two bottles of red wine and having it off with my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28552) - you totally deserved it (138716)
On 03/12/2009 at 4:08pm - misc - by Noname - United States (Connecticut)
Today, I found out that I am 14 weeks pregnant. The father of the baby is now engaged to my best friend, whom he was cheating on me with when I became pregnant. I'm going to be the maid of honor, 8 months pregnant with his child, at their wedding. FML
I agree, your life sucks (129584) - you totally deserved it (97785)
On 03/08/2009 at 8:23pm - intimacy - by plus-sign=bad (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, I had to run to catch my train, so I didn't get the chance to buy a ticket. When the conductor was in sight, I saw he was a young man and I opened my top a little, in hopes of not having to pay a fine. When I told him I didn't buy a ticket he said: "Close your top, I'm gay". FML
I agree, your life sucks (12874) - you totally deserved it (95325)
On 03/07/2009 at 7:03am - intimacy - by Mulee (woman) - Belgium (Brussels Hoofdstedelijk Gewest)
Today, I was telling my boyfriend I had fake orgasms all the time to piss him off. He replied: "that's okay, I'm f***ing three other girls." FML
I agree, your life sucks (34235) - you totally deserved it (85834)
On 03/05/2009 at 1:01am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was walking when a man pointed a camera at me, so I decided to be bitchy about it and say "Did I say you could take a picture?" and he replied with, "No, but can you get the fuck out of the way so I can take one of my wife and kids." I turn around, and they were right behind me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (10580) - you totally deserved it (179821)
On 03/02/2009 at 4:33pm - misc - by PicturePerfect (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my mom had my girlfriend and I over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmothers wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53832) - you totally deserved it (111702)
On 03/01/2009 at 4:58pm - love - by MrCanoe (man) - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, my boyfriend was coming over so I bought this sexy corset, some fishnets, silettos and see-through thong. After my dad left I dressed up and a few minutes later the doorbell rang. I answered it, whip in hand. It was my dad. He forgot his keys. Im grounded. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31008) - you totally deserved it (97997)
On 03/01/2009 at 2:27pm - intimacy - by thissucks (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36292) - you totally deserved it (151694)
On 03/01/2009 at 4:08am - intimacy - by Sad (man) - United States (California)
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