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p1ss3d0ff

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p1ss3d0ff
  • Town/Country : Not specified
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  • Number of visits : 391
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

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Today, I found out that whilst I was asleep last night, my boyfriend was playing on his XBox. I also found out that whenever he unlocked a new level, achievement or just generally beat someone's ass, he would celebrate by pulling out one of his pubes and putting it in my mouth. FML

#7773873
409 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101063) - you deserved it (11755)

On 02/01/2010 at 5:23am - misc - by doesnttastegood (woman) - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML

#7420693
282 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46053) - you deserved it (7426)

On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

#7380749
42 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55907) - you deserved it (6391)

On 01/16/2010 at 4:24pm - love - by Awkward (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend asked for me to come to her. Then move my head in close to her and close my eyes. Expecting a sweet and romantic kiss I positioned my lips for my surprise. My surprise wasn't a kiss, instead it was a nice crunchy booger she placed in my mouth with her finger. FML

Today, after months of trying, my wife of seven years told me she is finally pregnant. I'm going to be an uncle. FML

#7189298
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59120) - you deserved it (2887)

On 01/06/2010 at 10:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote "I hope she does". It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote "I hope she dies" instead. FML

#7154032
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28652) - you deserved it (8187)

On 01/04/2010 at 10:32pm - animals - by poordog (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I remembered my mom got her carpet cleaned and to be careful while she was at work. To be nice, I vacuumed the whole house. Feeling proud of myself, I got a drink and went upstairs. I tripped and spilled red Kool-Aid all over the floor. FML

#6976718
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18148) - you deserved it (11018)

On 12/27/2009 at 5:25pm - misc - by xMiSS_CuTiEx (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was told by 'Seventeen' to add liquid highlighter to my foundation for an all-over glow. Little did I know that liquid highlighter is an actual makeup product. I now have an awful rash due to applying the ink from a highlighter pen. FML

#6955134
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7268) - you deserved it (81018)

On 12/26/2009 at 11:18am - health - by rtrim29 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was riding the train home, and I sat in the row in front of a homeless woman. I noticed an old man staring at me. I got off the train after a long 6 stops, and the old man who had been staring at me walks up to me and says "The lady behind you was flicking lice onto you the whole time." FML

#6949420
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34629) - you deserved it (1874)

On 12/26/2009 at 12:16am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I introduced my family to beerpong. They especially liked the part about distracting each other while shooting. My grandma flashed me. FML

#6933168
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26136) - you deserved it (9878)

On 12/25/2009 at 1:28am - misc - by ScarredForLife (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while driving home from work an old homeless man stepped out on front of my car. As I slammed on the brakes the man threw a bag of poo at my windscreen and shouted "Praise The Lord!" before carrying on as if nothing had happened. FML

#5724132
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40022) - you deserved it (2866)

On 10/08/2009 at 5:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom

Today, before class I was trying to prove I can twist myself like the people on the front of my anatomy textbook, I got onto a table and twisted my ankles behind my head. Everyone seemed impressed until I farted so loudly that it echoed in the hallway. I couldn't get my legs unstuck. FML

#5050946
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13619) - you deserved it (42491)

On 09/04/2009 at 11:07pm - misc - by flexibleflatulance (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend told me that I look better in different kinds of light. I asked him which kind of light I looked best in. His reply? "No light at all." FML

#4125421
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37066) - you deserved it (5860)

On 07/29/2009 at 1:42am - love - by Ouch (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was telling my mother about my earrings hurting my ears. I had a cut on my ear close to the piercing and she thought that I had mistaken the cut for the opening, and said (as we walked past a car full of men), "Well of course it hurts when you put it in the wrong hole!". FML

#2045344
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61123) - you deserved it (6180)

On 05/18/2009 at 8:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Belfast)

Today, I was having cybersex via webcam with my boyfriend. Trying to be as sexy as I could, I started sucking on my finger. Judging by the look on my boyfriend's face, he was getting really into it. As I started getting into it too, I shoved my finger too far down and puked all over my laptop. FML

#1387325
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19530) - you deserved it (96061)

On 04/27/2009 at 9:51am - intimacy - by BARF (woman) - United States (California)



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