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owly_dear's favorite FMLs
Today, as my mom was getting ready for a date, I told her that I think it's too early for her to date, since she divorced my dad only a week ago. She then said, "Don't worry, I'm only in it for sex." FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2015 at 2:05pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by cAPITOLpORN / 06/23/2015 at 11:57am / United Kingdom (Havering) / Miscellaneous
by UkuleleTime / 06/23/2015 at 4:07am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I went to my boyfriend's house to eat dinner with his parents. Everyone wanted me to start the family prayer, and although I hadn't done one in years, I accepted. It went well until I remembered you say "Amen" at the end, not "Uh... Bye." FML
by Arcanin3Boss / 06/23/2015 at 2:37am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
by hairstylistprobs / 06/22/2015 at 11:13pm / United States / Love
by imgay / 06/22/2015 at 10:20pm / Argentina (Distrito Federal) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
by oh no / 06/22/2015 at 4:58pm / United States (California) / Health
by Partners / 06/22/2015 at 3:55pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
Today, while taking a slow night at my waitressing job, I thought I heard the sound of crying coming from the kitchen. I rushed in, thinking something terrible had happened. Nope, the bus boy was just watching porn on his phone with no headphones. FML
by koanroak / 06/21/2015 at 11:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, my husband let my 8-year-old twins play with handcuffs. I thought my husband was pretending he had lost the key but after 4 hours, he walked in with his head down and said, "I've made a terrible mistake honey." FML
by hfs palm / 06/21/2015 at 5:37pm / United States / Kids
Today, I took a nap. My boyfriend took this opportunity to go over to his "beautiful" and "amazing" ex-girlfriend's house to help her clean out her pool. I told him I didn't think that was appropriate. He told me I don't value relationships and didn't come home tonight. FML
by bev_rogan / 06/21/2015 at 6:16am / United States (Indiana) / Love
by Anonymous / 06/21/2015 at 12:38am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
Today, I was on a date with a girl and everything was going great. As I took her back to her house and walked her to her door I leaned in for a kiss. She seemed to really enjoy it so I went for another but as I leaned in again, I sneezed uncontrollably shooting her face with saliva and snot. FML
by hotheadslav / 06/20/2015 at 9:59pm / United States (Indiana) / Love
by happycow122 / 06/20/2015 at 4:54pm / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to a job interview, and my father in law's house. As soon as I got home I went to the bathroom and noticed my bloody pantyliner had fallen out at one of these places. I don't know which one is worse. FML
by organizse / 06/20/2015 at 10:03am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m in Thailand and I met a monk. The conversation was so deep and interesting that, without… Today, after shaking my boss's hand, I noticed that he had a piece of toilet paper stuck to one of…