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owlishes

Offline (the 09/15/2014 at 9:06pm) | Search for a member

owlishes

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 302
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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owlishes's page activity

Visits<b>s3kShUn47</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 4:50pm<b>decimater</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 9:23pm<b>zebrainthenight</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 6:45pm<b>JonD63</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 2:37am<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 9:46pm<b>mein_blut69</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 7:08pm<b>Crash7777</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 2:27am<b>kitcatjb</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 2:46am<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 2:52pm<b>RavingHaven</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 9:51pm<b>Rainhawk94</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 12:10pm<b>UnluckyGenius</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 6:22am<b>maxhhh</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 4:56am<b>Cuteroxx</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 12:24am<b>madnessking</b> - the 12/03/2013 at 10:38pm<b>beatlesgirl2u2</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 2:40pm<b>blackhorizons</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 6:35pm<b>thebestintheworl</b> - the 11/29/2013 at 11:23pm

owlishes's FML badges

Perfectionist

Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.

It’s in the can

Hey, you uploaded your photo, and you’re cute as a kitten!

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

See all of owlishes's badges

owlishes's favorite FMLs

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37853) - you deserved it (2788)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49082) - you deserved it (21220)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I woke up to an old lady right outside my open window, saying "Hello in there! Are you sleepy?" I was so startled that I answered her. She screamed. Turns out she's my neighbour's elderly mother, didn't know I was in there, and was talking to my cat. FML

#21201617
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40990) - you deserved it (4036)

On 07/07/2014 at 11:59am - animals - by ADanceWithDavos (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40124) - you deserved it (16712)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my overly-attached 14-year-old cat wanted attention while I was in a heated Skype argument with my girlfriend. Worked up from the fight, I raised my voice and said, "Not now, go away!" He ran to his little bed, had a heart attack and died. I was a complete dick to my cat in his last moments. FML

#21108570
354 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65109) - you deserved it (32562)

On 04/09/2014 at 2:40pm - animals - by Brody89 (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

#21073315
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25295) - you deserved it (55503)

On 02/27/2014 at 4:46pm - misc - by well SHIT (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

#21061712
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43985) - you deserved it (5645)

On 02/15/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was out with my girlfriend at a club. As a slow dance began, a guy approached and asked, "May I cut in?" My girlfriend surprised me by saying, "Sure!" As I was about to protest, the guy cut me off and said, "Sorry miss, I was asking him." FML

#21059471
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46327) - you deserved it (6549)

On 02/13/2014 at 8:31pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I took a nap in my car right after finishing up at work. I was woken up by a hobo sitting in the passenger seat, watching me sleep. Apparently, he'd managed to unlock the door with a wire hanger. FML

#21027083
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45764) - you deserved it (5379)

On 01/13/2014 at 10:31pm - misc - by ShelterForTheHomless (woman) - United States (California)

Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML

#21024543
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45701) - you deserved it (4917)

On 01/11/2014 at 1:52pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Dominican Republic (Distrito Nacional)

Today, my dog found out how to turn my Xbox off. So whenever he wants attention, guess what he does. FML

#21019316
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49074) - you deserved it (17466)

On 01/06/2014 at 6:00pm - animals - by Z3R0G5 (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

#21018030
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51475) - you deserved it (6862)

On 01/05/2014 at 4:45pm - health - by stillhurting (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML

#21016927
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40293) - you deserved it (16169)

On 01/04/2014 at 6:43pm - misc - by awkwardpartybear (woman) - United States (Florida)



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