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owlishes

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owlishes

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Madam
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : With someone
  • Number of visits : 360
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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owlishes's page activity

Visits<b>Lct1196</b> - the 09/19/2014 at 7:37pm<b>s3kShUn47</b> - the 09/10/2014 at 4:50pm<b>decimater</b> - the 08/23/2014 at 9:23pm<b>zebrainthenight</b> - the 06/26/2014 at 6:45pm<b>JonD63</b> - the 06/16/2014 at 2:37am<b>AlliTheKat</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 9:46pm<b>mein_blut69</b> - the 06/05/2014 at 7:08pm<b>Crash7777</b> - the 04/29/2014 at 2:27am<b>kitcatjb</b> - the 04/27/2014 at 2:46am<b>worldclassrager</b> - the 04/06/2014 at 2:52pm<b>RavingHaven</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 9:51pm<b>Rainhawk94</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 12:10pm<b>UnluckyGenius</b> - the 12/12/2013 at 6:22am<b>maxhhh</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 4:56am<b>Cuteroxx</b> - the 12/04/2013 at 12:24am<b>madnessking</b> - the 12/03/2013 at 10:38pm<b>beatlesgirl2u2</b> - the 12/01/2013 at 2:40pm<b>blackhorizons</b> - the 11/30/2013 at 6:35pm

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owlishes's favorite FMLs

Today, I excitedly told my mom that I'm pregnant with my second child. She shot back, "You know what's a REAL achievement? Jacking your dad off in church last week without anyone noticing. Aim higher." I really didn't need to know that. FML

#21294899
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40166) - you deserved it (3419)

On 11/08/2014 at 6:02pm - kids - by jennabee97 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, a character in the video game I was playing called my character a slut. My boyfriend ripped the controller from my hands, shot him dead, then fired the rest of my ammo into his corpse while yelling "FUCK YOU, BUDDY!" Good to know I'm dating a total lunatic. FML

#21293465
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33349) - you deserved it (6449)

On 11/06/2014 at 3:15pm - love - by notsofriendly (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after my shower, I went to clear off my fogged-up mirror. Doing so, I noticed a handprint on it. I compared it to my hand, but it was much too small. I live alone. FML

#21292770
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36328) - you deserved it (2414)

On 11/05/2014 at 3:44pm - misc - by spooked - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, it's my 20th birthday. I recently came home from college to visit my family, after my mother had a stroke a few weeks back. She ended up being the only person who remembered to get me anything. She also thinks it's still 2009. FML

#21286282
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34933) - you deserved it (2857)

On 10/27/2014 at 12:44pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I stumbled across one of my son's English assignments. Apparently, he decided to submit a haiku about how electrical outlets are technically "whores" because they hook up with countless cords for a "charge." I don't know whether to be amused or furious. FML

#21285975
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32601) - you deserved it (4552)

On 10/26/2014 at 10:42pm - kids - by MySonThePoet (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my 7-year-old used the word "crap". When I told her that she mustn't use that word because it's rude, she simply replied, "Mother, you should hear the words I use at school." FML

#21281207
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30216) - you deserved it (4763)

On 10/19/2014 at 4:58pm - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

#21266933
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47352) - you deserved it (3524)

On 09/28/2014 at 11:30am - intimacy - by tw@ (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

#21247229
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38329) - you deserved it (2808)

On 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm - love - by wowzer (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, I attended a family gathering. My cousin's new baby was being passed around. By way of politely declining to hold it, I meant to say that I looked forward to getting to know it better once it could talk. What I blurted out instead was, "I can't wait until it resembles a human being." FML

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49183) - you deserved it (21256)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML



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