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owlishes's FML badges
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
owlishes's favorite FMLs
Today, at work I did inventory with my boss. He did the top shelves and I did the bottom ones. By the end, my knees were dirty and sore. I went home and my roommate asked me how my day went. I absent-mindedly said, "My boss had me on my knees all day." He hasn't stopped laughing. FML
by inappropes / 08/18/2016 at 5:41pm / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend came home from a trip early without telling me. When I got to his house and saw his car there, I texted him and said, "Oh you asshole". About five minutes later, I got a text from my boss asking if that text was for him. FML
by DuckyDew / 08/16/2016 at 1:51pm / United States (South Carolina) / Work
by Ummm / 08/03/2016 at 3:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I walked up to my sister's car to give her some money I owed her. She refused to open the window and take back the money. After begging her to open the window, a passer-by mistook me for a beggar and gave me some loose change. FML
by Marmarfarfar / 08/01/2016 at 1:23pm / Canada (Ontario) / Money
Today, my first day on the job, I locked up the office after everyone left and set the alarm. An hour later, my new boss angrily emailed me that I locked him inside the building, setting off the alarm and prompting the entire police department to show up. FML
by mrsimintrouble / 07/29/2016 at 2:01am / United States (California) / Work
by Yocherrypicker / 07/28/2016 at 9:04pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML
by NoDocVisit / 07/26/2016 at 10:27pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, after 6 dentist visits, 2 root canals, and $1,500 that I'll likely have to sell vital organs to pay, the agonizing tooth pain I've had for months is unrelenting. Apparently, shrugging and offering to experimentally yank all my bottom teeth is my smurf-shit of a dentist's actual plan. FML
by aintgotnoteeth / 07/19/2016 at 1:53pm / Health
by DidNotExpectThat / 07/18/2016 at 3:30am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband had a vasectomy several years ago. I've been faithful the whole time, but he wouldn't believe me, even after I showed him that vasectomies can reverse themselves. FML
by Anonymous / 07/17/2016 at 10:51am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by LacrosseFAIL / 07/16/2016 at 6:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML
by Anonymous / 07/16/2016 at 11:16am / United States (Indiana) / Health
Today, after finally growing my curly hair down to shoulder length, I decided to get it styled for a dinner date. The stylist rolled up the barrel brush on my head and it got stuck. Hello, pixie cut. FML
by snipsnip / 07/15/2016 at 9:14pm / Miscellaneous
- Today, I sprayed pepper spray on a guy who appeared to be following me. He was really cute, and was… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I’m in Mexico for an internship. I was at a party when a drunk guy harangued me, calling me…