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ottoawesome

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ottoawesome

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ottoawesome's favorite FMLs

Today, I was waiting at the bus stop and noticed a girl that I played netball with. I ran across the road to meet her and she ran across the car park to meet me. We hugged and looked at each other slowly backing away as we both realised that we didn't know each other. FML

#21083446
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46175) - you deserved it (6773)

On 03/10/2014 at 8:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, trying to be a responsible parent, I bought my daughter a pack of condoms in case she ever decided to have sex. She turned them into balloon animals and went back to playing video games. FML

#21059009
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31567) - you deserved it (47659)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:47am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48523) - you deserved it (9543)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was in a bathroom stall, the guy next to me asked me for toilet paper. It was then that I realized I didn't have any either. FML

#20957459
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41151) - you deserved it (4431)

On 11/14/2013 at 11:44am - misc - by CallmeEddie - United States (Illinois)

Today, I woke up, got dressed, and left for the 1 hour drive to the nearest vet. When I arrived, I realized that I left my cat in its carrier on my kitchen counter. FML

#20908268
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39517) - you deserved it (23996)

On 10/05/2013 at 12:00pm - animals - by wasted_gas - United States (Georgia)

Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML

Today, I started doing it again. I'd given up for years, but when I saw the pack I just couldn't help myself. One taste was enough to make me finish off the whole pack. Nobody knows that I've fallen off the wagon and I'm so ashamed of myself. Today, I began eating my cat's biscuits again. FML

#20786268
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44281) - you deserved it (32397) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 07/16/2013 at 9:18am - health - by Aliiiice (woman) - France (Haute-Normandie)

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62004) - you deserved it (11957)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62004) - you deserved it (11957)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, my nose started running while in bed with my boyfriend. I kept trying to wipe it off with my arm to avoid ruining the moment. My boyfriend then looks up at me in horror. Turns out it wasn't mucus; it was blood. And it was all over his neck, his shirt, and his silk sheets. FML

#20647224
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62004) - you deserved it (11957)

On 05/07/2013 at 3:29am - intimacy - by Sirah90 (woman) - United States

Today, I came home from work to find my son and his friends attempting to find out how many of them could fit into one of my pairs of pants. So far, five. FML

#20583359
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40233) - you deserved it (19320)

On 04/10/2013 at 9:26am - kids - by fatmom (woman) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I was cooking something I knew would make a lot of smoke, so I asked my teenage daughter to tape a bag over the smoke detector. She said she did, so I cooked; the alarm went off and firemen came. She hadn't taped over the smoke detector, she'd taped it over the doorbell. FML

#20106895
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21826) - you deserved it (4094)

On 10/08/2012 at 1:31am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I woke up naked next to my gay roommate after a night of drinking. Neither he nor I remember anything. FML

#20083352
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25150) - you deserved it (25508)

On 09/22/2012 at 10:06am - intimacy - by holyshitbatman - United States (Illinois)

Today, my eleven year old sister came in, and bitched to me and my boyfriend about how she was going to tell my mom about the used condom she found. My boyfriend punched her in the face. FML

#18022495
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51863) - you deserved it (16561)

On 10/19/2011 at 10:37am - intimacy - by lolilovemyboyfriend (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



Zach Stafford's illustrated FML

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  • Everybody's talking about Ebola at the moment. I have trouble keeping up with the latest trends. I'm going to wait until Christmas and see what special offers turn up in the shops, under funky new names…

Friday 17 October 2014

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