osegal18

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Offline (the 08/16/2016 at 10:36pm)

osegal18

0Fucked!

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  • Number of visits : 2863
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

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osegal18's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

See all of osegal18's badges

osegal18's favorite FMLs

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML

by -_- / 09/22/2013 at 2:00pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

by -.- / 09/20/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

by OldHabitsDieHard / 09/18/2013 at 10:53am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Animals

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. After assessing the loss, I saw a taunting note on the fridge saying, "Locks work best when the door's SHUT." My housekeeper had apparently left the door wide open. FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 1:23pm / United States (Alabama) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I started my car, I heard the most horrific sounds coming from the engine. When I lifted the hood I realized I'd found my son's cat. FML

by alexbrooke / 09/15/2013 at 10:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was walking down the street when a "homeless" man asked for money. I gave him a dollar and he got up and called his friend on an iPhone. FML

by Kaka_Karrot_Kake / 09/13/2013 at 9:49am / United States (Texas) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I had to babysit two kids. It all went well until one of them duct taped a knife to a toy machine gun, lit the barbecue on fire, and ran around like a wild banshee screaming obscenities. The other one got scared and climbed onto the roof of the house. FML

by ellen77 / 09/13/2013 at 1:55am / United States (California) / Work

Today, my fiancée called off our wedding, because she found out I had sex with another woman. Three years before we even met. FML

by Crazy Crazy Crazy / 09/12/2013 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML

by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I found out my extremely anti-war relatives hate me because they think I served in the Army, after hearing I was "a vet". I'm a veterinarian. FML

by the next james herriot / 09/10/2013 at 7:30pm / United States (Maryland) / Work

Today, I took my 4-year-old son to the bank with me. He asked why we were going, and I explained that I had a couple of checks that they would turn into money. When we got in line, he loudly exclaimed that "Mommy has checks for money!" Except "checks" sounded almost exactly like "sex". FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 2:30pm / United States (Tennessee) / Kids

Today, I told a guy he should be ashamed of himself for parking in a handicapped space. He hit me with his prosthetic leg. FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 9:23am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, in order to try and get over my slight fear of swans, I went down to the local park to feed them. One decided that I looked tastier than the bread I was throwing and chased me around the feeding area while everybody laughed. FML

by Evil_Angel_90 / 09/10/2013 at 7:36am / Australia / Animals

Today, I found out my grandma wears dentures when I had to fish them out of a cooler. She lost them bobbing for beer at a local bar. FML

by Anonymous / 09/10/2013 at 3:04am / United States / Miscellaneous