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onorexveritas's favorite FMLs
by StaplerScared / 11/08/2011 at 9:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML
by Anonymous / 10/26/2011 at 7:44pm / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy
by optimistic2628 / 10/19/2011 at 10:03am / United States / Kids
Today, a guy who I hate commented on my Facebook profile picture that I "look like I've fallen off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down." 60 people liked this, including my boyfriend and best friend. FML
by chloeguest97 / 09/20/2011 at 11:15am / United Kingdom (Solihull) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/11/2011 at 11:04pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health
by Username / 10/29/2010 at 7:15pm / Intimacy
by soldierboy / 08/29/2010 at 8:39pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by ananomus / 08/22/2010 at 12:26am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
by adam / 02/14/2010 at 9:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
Today, I found out a friend of mine likes me. It wasn't by a cute gesture like a sweet little note, or a beautiful heartfelt confession like you might expect. He sprang at my boyfriend and choked him (while I strained to pull him off). Right during the middle of our 60+ student populated class. FML
by Anonymous / 01/28/2010 at 3:09am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous
by Username / 01/25/2010 at 12:19am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I got on a treadmill for the first time. I was running at a very high speed. I needed a break but didn't know how to get off. I decided to just let the machine take me to the edge so I could get off. I was thrown off the treadmill and landed with my happy sacks crashing into a dumbbell. FML
by King7 / 01/09/2010 at 5:17am / Pakistan (Sindh) / Health
by ohdear / 01/03/2010 at 1:06pm / United Kingdom (Falkirk) / Miscellaneous
by ShiriSarah / 08/20/2009 at 10:39am / United Kingdom (London) / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting a bit steamy. After a few minutes, he jumps up and runs over to the closet and puts on a long brown jacket putting the hood over to his eyes. He looks me in the eyes and says 'I am Obi Wan Kenobi and I'm going to slay you with my light saber'. FML
by dam01 / 08/02/2009 at 3:17am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I was jerking off quietly so my roommates wouldn't hear me. In the middle of it, one of them… Today, my dad was helping me move my stuff out. I'd asked my boyfriend to deal with my sex toys and… Today, just another casual morning. I went to go drop a deuce in the bathroom. Barely being awake I…