About onorexveritas : Hello! I am I, You are You and We are FML users.
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onorexveritas's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 12/27/2012 at 11:58pm / Canada (Alberta) / Money
Today, my ex-boyfriend of over 4 years decided to turn up outside my house at 1am, drunk off his ass, to confess his love for me. When I told him I'd moved on and am happily engaged, he cried on the grass for an hour, then tried to steal my cat. FML
by Anonymous / 12/26/2012 at 12:18pm / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
by Ape / 12/17/2012 at 6:12pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I ran into my infant daughter's room because I thought I heard her crying, and found she was still sound asleep in her crib. The screams were coming from the mouse our cat was using to paint her bedroom walls. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 10:55am / United States (New York) / Animals
by Anonymous / 12/15/2012 at 3:52am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by ouch. / 12/08/2012 at 5:44am / Canada (Yukon Territory) / Love
by Dontwaketheneighbors / 12/06/2012 at 9:24am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by goodeyesight / 10/11/2012 at 10:02am / Brazil (Sao Paulo) / Love
by Anonymous / 10/04/2012 at 10:45pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/14/2012 at 12:51pm / United States / Animals
by onorexveritas / 09/06/2012 at 12:54pm / United States (California) / Health
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
by Amberain / 08/16/2012 at 11:16am / United Kingdom (Halton) / Love
by Anonymous / 08/14/2012 at 1:16am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy
by jemila / 05/31/2012 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend sat me down for a "confession". His confession consisted of him saying that "women are like a bag of chips," and that while you can love the smokey BBQ flavor, every once in a while you just have to go for some salt and vinegar. FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2012 at 4:04pm / Egypt (Al Qahirah) / Love
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I received a phone call, angry at me for not calling my dad on Father's Day. When I told her…
- Today, at work, because I have been having bowel problems I sat longer than normal on the toilet. I… Today, my parents grounded me from anything remotely fun. How come? Because I got a 100% on my math… Today, while changing my 10 week old baby's nappy and everything was going fine as usual. Just as I…