About onlyme25 : "The truth is,you could slit my throat,and with my one last gasping breath, I would apologize for bleeding on your shirt."
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Consolation prize
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
I NEED to know!
You went as far as reading the terms of use. You’re a total FML completist.
Today, a cute girl sitting next to me asked if she could use my phone. As I handed it to her, I attempted to use the expression "knock yourself out," but for a reason I can still not fathom, it came out as "kill yourself." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18837) - you deserved it (4574)
On 10/17/2012 at 12:45am - misc - by Holy Testacles (man) - United States
Today, I finally summed up the courage to break up with my abusively controlling girlfriend. I don't know what I was thinking, but instead of leaving as a free man, I left as an engaged one. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14654) - you deserved it (37218)
On 05/30/2012 at 6:35pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Italy (Lombardia)
Today, I ran out of the house after my dog, tripped and knocked myself out on the railing by the front step. I woke up to my little brother lifting up the back of my dress for the neighborhood to see. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15559) - you deserved it (1754)
On 05/26/2012 at 7:06am - kids - by Never Work With Animals or Children (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I found out that my husband is the biological father of my baby sister. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48286) - you deserved it (2257)
On 05/10/2012 at 4:17pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I received a text from the guy I'm into, thanking me for helping him drunkenly stumble back to his apartment last night. He ended it with, "How long did you stay?" Apparently, he doesn't remember confessing his secret love for me, or the fantastic kiss that followed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22085) - you deserved it (2560)
On 04/26/2012 at 10:43am - love - by Aus (woman) - United States
Today, I yet again heard a friend say "YOLO" as if it's a word. It was so annoying that I had to restrain myself from punching him in the face and offering him the chance to suck on one of my turds, since apparently "YOLO." FML
I agree, your life sucks (13434) - you deserved it (3343)
On 04/24/2012 at 12:44am - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38183) - you deserved it (3719)
On 04/16/2012 at 4:12am - intimacy - by oface13 (man) - United States
Today, I told my girlfriend that I would still care for her if she was a vegetable. She informed me that if I was a potato, she would cut me into chips. And fry me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15451) - you deserved it (5658)
Today, I got home to find our house broken into. Among other things, the thieves took our television, my laptop and several pieces of expensive jewelry. Also missing was my daughter's My Little Pony collection. I think we were robbed by a Brony. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17656) - you deserved it (1204)
On 04/11/2012 at 5:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I choked on a gummy bear and ended up in the emergency room. The first thing the doctor said to me was, "Well, that must have been 'beary' uncomfortable." The entire room burst into laughter. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19886) - you deserved it (6927)
On 03/05/2012 at 7:43pm - health - by Kayla - United States
Today, I downloaded an application that notifies me when my phone is fully charged. I had no idea how it actually functions, but I plugged the charger in and went to bed. A couple of hours later, I woke up to a man's voice screaming, "I can't take it anymore!" I nearly wet myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23013) - you deserved it (6919)
On 03/03/2012 at 8:55am - misc - by scaredshitless (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)
Today, my boyfriend would rather jerk off than have sex with me. Even if I'm next to him in bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23722) - you deserved it (5162)
On 02/20/2012 at 9:23am - intimacy - by Gabi - United States (New Jersey)
Today, trying to pocket a little extra cash for himself, my dad responded to multiple babysitting ads on Craigslist, accepting them all on my behalf. I despise children with all my heart. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18771) - you deserved it (5740)
On 02/03/2012 at 5:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I waited on an elderly man whose wife had just left him. After him going on and on about how his dog will love his leftover chicken, I nervously caught a case of verbal diarrhea and uttered, "Well, if there's chicken involved, I'll get on my knees and be your dog." FML
I agree, your life sucks (7365) - you deserved it (21042)
On 01/23/2012 at 12:12am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States
Today, while stuck in traffic on the highway, my 5 year old in the back seat asked me why the man in the car next to us was pulling on the other man's "peepee". FML
I agree, your life sucks (36134) - you deserved it (1906)
On 08/04/2011 at 12:04am - intimacy - by whatnot - Canada (Ontario)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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