i am filipino.
so stop looking at me like a math problem.
i am entertained at this site and why not join?
Today, I had a check-up with my dermatologist. When I took off my pants, she noticed a small mark on my penis and was concerned. I had to inform her that it was not in fact a mole, but a bruise from getting it stuck in a Snapple bottle two days prior to the check-up. FML
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On 07/12/2009 at 3:07am - health - by Best-stuf-on-Earth (man) - United States (California)
Today, my wife and I decided to try a relationship book. The first activity was to write down some things your partner does that bothers you. I made a very long list, then my wife and I swapped papers. She'd written, "nothing, I love everything about you." She read my list and began tearing up. FML
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On 07/10/2009 at 7:18pm - love - by failhusband (man) - United States (Utah)
Today, I was in the car with my mom and dad. My mom turned around and asked, "Have you had sex yet?" I said no, which is true. My dad cracked up and said, "Told you so!" My mom frowned, took out her wallet, and handed him 20$. My parents bet on my nonexistent sex life. FML
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On 07/09/2009 at 2:33am - intimacy - by Told_You_So (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML
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On 07/09/2009 at 1:17am - love - by hatboxghost (man) - United States
Today, I found out that my boyfriend is cheating on me, with the same guy I was cheating on him with. FML
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On 07/03/2009 at 10:16am - misc - by shandrith (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I got an email from a guy to whom I sold my old phone to over eBay. Turns out I forgot to delete the nude photos of myself and my boyfriend that I had stored up. His email asked me for "any PIN numbers needed to use the phone, and oh by the way, nice tits." FML
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On 07/01/2009 at 6:31am - intimacy - by paprikarulz (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)
Today, I found out my girlfriend is pregnant and then decided to break up with her. Why? We're lesbians. FML
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On 06/30/2009 at 1:32am - love - by yoyoyo (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my daughter asked me what the youngest age you should start having sex is, being a good mother I said that she shouldn't have sex until after she's been married. My daughter then said, "Oh...shoot." and walked away. My daughter is twelve. FML
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On 06/29/2009 at 8:40pm - intimacy - by blazer - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I got beaten up by my ex-girlfriend's older brother who does mixed martial arts, because my ex saw me making out with another girl. We broke up over 6 months ago. FML
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On 06/29/2009 at 3:55pm - misc - by thatCanadianGuy7 - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my attractive boss sat me down in the break room to say how much she appreciated how much work I've been doing despite being a temp. She was wearing a skirt, and I couldn't take my eyes off her legs. She then patted me on the leg and said "Good Talk". It wasn't my leg. FML
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On 06/27/2009 at 3:03am - work - by EmployeeOfTheMonth (man) - United States (California)
Today, our favorite teacher walked into our history class and everyone started whistling, I decided to join in by screaming 'sexy'. The room went quiet and all heads turned to me. FML
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On 06/27/2009 at 2:33am - misc - by mtorres8789 (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I went to announce to my son that I am pregnant again. After I told him, he looks up and yells: "fuck this shit!" and walks out of the room. My son is nine years old. FML
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On 06/27/2009 at 12:05am - kids - by poormom (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my brother and I were going to give our parents their anniversary gift which cost us over $3000. The gift was a trip to London in August to see a show on Michael Jackson's comeback tour. FML
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On 06/26/2009 at 10:31am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Rhode Island)
Today, Michael Jackson died. FML
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On 06/25/2009 at 6:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, the cops showed up to check out a child abuse complaint, I then had to spend an hour explaining that I had given my son a suppository. The neighbors heard him sobbing hysterically "Daddy, why did you put that in my butt? It hurts." My neighbor had heard and thought I was raping my son. FML
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On 06/24/2009 at 5:11pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
