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Today, I was walking with my very attractive friend who I like a lot. She then told me that her roomate wouldn't be home tonight, and if I wanted, I could come over and study history. I didn't get it. I told her no thanks, that I was covered, and it was chem I needed to study. An hour later, I understood. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6875) - you totally deserved it (41557)
On 09/10/2009 at 7:17pm - love - by itisthedude (man) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I left on my honeymoon with my wife who is terrified of flying. The pilot announces incoming storms in the flight path, and the man next to me starts saying it's "probably fate" and "we all have to go sometime" and my wife goes into a full panic attack. We haven't even left the ground yet. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25802) - you totally deserved it (1332)
On 09/10/2009 at 11:58am - misc - by siggit - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my 11 year old son and I were going through some old photos. He saw one of me when I was 22 on a beach wearing a bikini. He said " Wow! Who's that?!" Quite proudly I said it was me. He looked at me and said " Whats happened?!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (24863) - you totally deserved it (4445)
On 09/10/2009 at 5:13am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - New Zealand (Wellington)
Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39720) - you totally deserved it (1509)
On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8820) - you totally deserved it (26617)
On 09/07/2009 at 4:25pm - kids - by greasyhair (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I quit my job that my girlfriend and I worked together at. Fellow employees are not allowed to date one another and I said it would be ok if I was the one to leave. When I got home to her and told her that I quit, she decided to break up with me. I now have no job and no girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27821) - you totally deserved it (7551)
On 08/25/2009 at 8:54am - love - by kalazoo21 (man) - United States (Illinois)
Today, my cell phone was stolen. I work in a morgue. By myself. Obviously it wasn't stolen by any of those people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26831) - you totally deserved it (2295) - moderated and selected by the Jackass crew
On 07/30/2009 at 4:58am - misc - by emily (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, after a long stressful day, my boyfriend and I decided to take a shower together. As I'm telling him all about my day, I suddenly felt something warm on my foot, only to look down and see him peeing on me. When I asked what he was doing he said "I'm marking my territory, you're mine now." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47797) - you totally deserved it (8915)
On 07/24/2009 at 3:34am - love - by Surprise (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my daughter turned 11. Since she LOVES Harry Potter, I decided to write her an acceptance letter to Hogwarts. When she saw the letter, she screamed and showed me. When she found out I wrote it, she told me she hated me, started crying, and stepped on my foot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17804) - you totally deserved it (52083)
On 07/16/2009 at 6:16am - kids - by notawizard (woman) - Spain (Catalonia)
Today, I was visiting my friends new house and he was showing me around. I saw a small door in the wall and decided to open it. When I opened it, his daughter was hiding in there and screamed to scare me. Now I know my scream is more high pitched than his daughters. I'm a 37 year old male. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20638) - you totally deserved it (3982)
On 06/24/2009 at 10:06pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was playing around with my sister's kitten. As a joke, I put him underneath the sheets and farted. He attacked my nuts. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7990) - you totally deserved it (96733)
On 06/07/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I called my girlfriend to ask her to the movies. She declined and said she was sick and was going to sleep. Wanting to see the movie, I invited my mom and we went. My mom then pointed out my "sick" girlfriend making out with a guy. My mom threw a full bag of popcorn at her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (81752) - you totally deserved it (2678)
On 06/07/2009 at 1:35am - love - by Reject3d (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9395) - you totally deserved it (35571)
On 05/20/2009 at 8:11pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping in the dog world meant dominance. Well, I decided to instill my dominance and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" and then my mom walked in. FML
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On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - misc - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I thought it would be funny to fart in my roommates mouth while he was asleep. I walked over to him and pulled my pyjamas down and let loose. To my surprise it was a very wet one and I accidently took a dump on his face, he woke up and beat me until I was bleeding. FML
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On 04/18/2009 at 1:09am - health - by dumptaker (man) - Canada (Ontario)
