omfg_Jackie

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omfg_Jackie

1Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Sunday 4 December 1988 (27 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 2528
  • Number of comments : 8
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

About omfg_Jackie : I'm cool mannn[;

omfg_Jackie's page activity

Visits<b>drewbare</b> - the 03/31/2016 at 4:30pm<b>ratman775</b> - the 10/14/2015 at 11:37pm<b>Ahyuenhsia</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 12:19pm<b>Boxer3421</b> - the 08/26/2015 at 5:38pm<b>WaltzingPhanthom</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 10:47pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 5:27pm<b>Kejus</b> - the 12/27/2014 at 5:58am<b>Tomfire9</b> - the 12/23/2014 at 1:28am<b>Nate2187</b> - the 12/21/2014 at 2:19pm<b>juliapereth</b> - the 10/09/2014 at 1:57pm<b>dabears1011234</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 11:09pm<b>lisaint</b> - the 06/24/2014 at 11:03am<b>JeremyO777</b> - the 03/07/2014 at 2:01pm<b>zoee888</b> - the 02/15/2014 at 9:30pm<b>hellryu</b> - the 01/19/2014 at 8:23pm<b>zzzaman</b> - the 11/22/2013 at 6:39pm<b>derekmalc</b> - the 05/25/2013 at 2:22pm<b>Eivana</b> - the 05/21/2013 at 9:56pm

Fucked!<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 03/26/2015 at 10:27pm

omfg_Jackie's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

omfg_Jackie's favorite FMLs

Today, I was petsitting for my neighbor's new puppy. A huge thunderstorm came, and the puppy started whining and shivering violently. I pulled it into my lap to try and comfort it. One loud clap of thunder later, and the puppy had explosive diarrhea all over me. FML

by Puppysit88 / 04/16/2009 at 5:36pm / United States (North Carolina) / Animals

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

by Anonymous / 04/16/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Louisiana) / Intimacy

Today, I was at my new apartment. My fiancé was coming home so I filled the apartment with candles and put on some sexy music. When he came up to my door, I answered the door, naked. What I didn't know was that he was bringing his dad to see the new apartment. FML

by nudesurprise / 04/16/2009 at 10:49am / United States (Michigan) / Intimacy

Today, I discovered that I had left my sunroof open all night during a storm and my front seats was soaked. I grabbed a towel for my seat but didn't close my sunroof because it was nice out. As I pull out of my driveway, I felt something wet hit my forehead. A bird shit on me through my sunroof. FML

by oops1234 / 04/16/2009 at 10:38am / United States (New York) / Animals

Today, I had dinner with the girl I thought I would end up marrying. Everything was going well and after I had paid the bill, she said she was a lesbian. Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse, she challenged me to see who could hook up with a straight girl first. I lost. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 8:13pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I was struggling through an exam and the hot girl next to me seemed to be flying through the questions. So I cheated off her. When we finished I asked her to lunch. She said "No, I just rushed through the exam so I can go fuck my boyfriend." I got shutdown and probably failed an exam. FML

by ananomoose / 04/15/2009 at 7:30pm / United States (Vermont) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was visiting my grandmother's house. She keeps the thermostat on 85 and after about 30 minutes I explained to her "I'm going to have to leave, it's just too hot in here". She replied: "You think it's hot in here, wait until you get to hell." I laughed. She didn't. FML

by Anonymous / 04/15/2009 at 3:45pm / United States (South Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally hooked up with a guy I've been hanging out with for 2 months. Afterwards, while we're getting dressed he says "You better be clean. If you're not tell me now so I dont pass it on to my girlfriend." Stunned, all I could say was, "Girlfriend?!" His reply, "Well technically my fiancée." FML

by oops123 / 04/15/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Missouri) / Love

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

by blackvogue / 04/01/2009 at 6:42am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got up early to prank my family. I put a bucket of ice water on top of a door frame so whoever walked through would get an icy surprise. After I was done, I went back to bed. I woke up groggy and disoriented like always and walked right through the doorway I had rigged. FML

by blackvogue / 04/01/2009 at 6:42am / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran to a public bathroom because of explosive diarrhea. In the middle of it, I noticed there was no more toilet paper nor paper towels remaining. The smallest bill in my wallet was a 5. I had to pay 10 dollars to wipe my own butt. FML

by highleyj / 04/01/2009 at 4:16am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to play a joke on my boyfriend and planned to pretend that I found a thong in his gym bag. When he came home, I "confronted" him. After struggling through putting on my best face, he, unexpectedly confessed: "Look, babe, I'm sorry. It meant nothing." FML

by Anonymous / 03/23/2009 at 4:42pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, I texted my college boyfriend to tell him how terrible I felt about cheating. He replied saying he was so relieved because he had been cheating on me with a girl in his dorm. I was talking about my math exam. FML

by gentileman / 03/16/2009 at 1:11pm / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy

Today, my daughter asked me when was the first time I had sex. After I told her 22 she quickly shouted, "Beat ya!" She's thirteen. FML

by Noname / 03/06/2009 at 2:04pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy