Submit your FML story
- - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Offline (the 02/23/2015 at 1:38am) | Search for a member
About oloy : Hiya
Checking you out
You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Today, my parents left early in the morning to run some errands, and I thought it would be nice to shovel our rather large driveway for them while they were out. An hour later, they returned from the store with a snow blower. FML
Today, while I was fooling around with my girlfriend, she hurt her hand. It obviously wasn't very serious, so I told her to stop faking it. She responded, "Wanna know what I actually fake? My orgasms." FML
Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML
Today, I found out that the generous gift from my boyfriend of a new iPhone was only given so he could use the "find my phone" function to make sure I'm always where I say I am each day. I'm being stalked by my own boyfriend. FML
Today, I found out that whenever my ex-wife is late getting the kids to school, she tells them to tell their teachers they were with me, and forges my name on the sign-in sheet. Missing homework? Dad's house. Forgot to bring something important? Ditto. The school thinks I'm a horrible parent. FML
Today, I was walking home from a horrible day at work, when some idiot emptied a trashcan on my head from his apartment balcony. He cried "Oh shit!" and apologized because I wasn't his intended target. FML
Today, and every other night since my new neighbors moved in two weeks ago, their cat has been standing outside my house meowing constantly up at my window, where my cat keeps standing and meowing back. It's like a feline version of Romeo and Juliet, and I can't sleep. FML
Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML
Tuesday 3 March 2015