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ojjasper123

Offline (the 12/31/2013 at 7:11am) | Search for a member

ojjasper123

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  • Number of visits : 122
  • Number of comments : 7
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

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ojjasper123's page activity

Visits<b>lisaint</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 5:25pm<b>roeboat72</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 2:51pm

ojjasper123's FML badges

50 favourites

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Judgmental

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ojjasper123's favorite FMLs

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45687) - you deserved it (16863)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

#21058421
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49858) - you deserved it (3928)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51866) - you deserved it (18434)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, on the eighth day of my diet, I met up with my study group. Everyone was snacking on junk food while I stuck to carrots. Someone put a Snickers bar on the table. "God, I want you," I thought. Turns out I was thinking out loud. The guy next to me inched his chair away. FML

#21050614
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37970) - you deserved it (7123)

On 02/04/2014 at 8:03pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49201) - you deserved it (4964)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

#21050427
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39446) - you deserved it (4034)

On 02/04/2014 at 4:42pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I found a Google search for "erectile dysfunction" in my browser search history, along with pages about treatments for it. I'm a woman, and I live alone. FML

#21049445
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44839) - you deserved it (3403)

On 02/03/2014 at 4:16pm - misc - by jai90 (woman) - Netherlands (Utrecht)

Today, I asked my sister what she thought of my boyfriend. She said, "He's nice. Deserves better than you, really." FML

#21048143
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41949) - you deserved it (5713)

On 02/02/2014 at 1:39pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

#21046460
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51607) - you deserved it (10919)

On 01/31/2014 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by mylifesucks (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in the process of finally losing my virginity. Part-way through, my neighbour started shouting from his backyard, "Go, Nicolas! You can do it!" He was talking to his son, but the two of us have the same name. I couldn't finish. FML

#21046533
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54013) - you deserved it (5999) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 01/31/2014 at 4:05pm - intimacy - by prochainefois (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML

#21044971
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49648) - you deserved it (6231)

On 01/30/2014 at 7:34am - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42548) - you deserved it (10945)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, I had an oral English exam to present in front of three teachers. Halfway through, I completely lost my voice. They failed me because they thought I was trying to play a prank. FML

#21043493
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41708) - you deserved it (3420)

On 01/28/2014 at 10:09pm - work - by smileydays - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to explain to my father that when my friends sleep over, it's not acceptable to sneak into my room in the middle of the night and dig through their stuff. FML

#21039686
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49197) - you deserved it (3974)

On 01/25/2014 at 3:34pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my family and I were having turkey for dinner. My boyfriend leaned in towards me and muttered, "I'll stuff your turkey later". Everyone heard and the whole room went dead silent. FML



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