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Submit your FML story

  • - Concept : An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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ohsnapp823

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ohsnapp823
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 578
  • Number of comments : 43
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 13 posted

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ohsnapp823's favorite FMLs

Today, I was applying some Icy Hot to my sore thighs, when I accidentally got a little on my dime sacks. For the next hour, it felt like someone had lit a match under my plums. FML

#14345671 (189)

I agree, your life sucks (7972) - you deserved it (16595)

On 12/26/2010 at 12:59pm - health - by person - Jordan (Amman Governorate)

Today, I had to go to the bathroom. I was in a rush, so I went into the boys bathroom. I then had diarrhea. The entire basketball team was waiting for me outside the stall. They did a slow clap for me. FML

#14277581 (100)

I agree, your life sucks (21965) - you deserved it (5184)

On 12/20/2010 at 9:31pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was putting my 2 year old to bed, and I began to sing to her. She reached up, put her finger over my lips, and said, "Shhh, Mommy." FML

#13896400 (149)

I agree, your life sucks (28354) - you deserved it (9243)

On 11/19/2010 at 2:47am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

#9181669 (208)

I agree, your life sucks (10174) - you deserved it (22685)

On 03/18/2010 at 6:39am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, while at work as a lifeguard, an older gentleman who comes in almost every morning wearing a very tight swimming suit, came up to me and said, "I don't want you having any erotic fantasies of me." After a long pause he added, "Actually, I wouldn't mind it if you do." FML

#9161234 (284)

I agree, your life sucks (25231) - you deserved it (2565)

On 03/17/2010 at 3:32pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I put on some goggles on in the pool, only to go underwater and see an old man 'discretely' jerking it. FML

#9152447 (166)

I agree, your life sucks (25573) - you deserved it (2833)

On 03/17/2010 at 2:12am - intimacy - by today -

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

#9015230 (148)

I agree, your life sucks (20561) - you deserved it (2047)

On 03/12/2010 at 1:05am - misc - by ugh - United States

Today, I came home and noticed that sometime while I was at school, someone cut off half of my ponytail. FML

#8971498 (167)

I agree, your life sucks (29778) - you deserved it (2777)

On 03/10/2010 at 1:42pm - misc - by Nancy - United States

Today, my mother in law grounded me because I went to the store in the "dangerous" rain. My husband says that if I don't obey then we won't work out. FML

#8916783 (347)

I agree, your life sucks (27099) - you deserved it (3115)

On 03/08/2010 at 10:12am - misc - by anonymous - United States

Today, while playing poker, I lost a stack of money to somebody with the screen name "Poopface." FML

#8915112 (123)

I agree, your life sucks (5058) - you deserved it (21613)

On 03/08/2010 at 7:08am - money - by prian (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was really bored and decided to annoy my mom while she was doing the dishes. I walked up behind her, touched her shoulder, and said "Poke". She then donkey kicks me straight in the nuts saying "Kick". I know now to never bug my mom when she's in a bad mood. FML

#8905229 (218)

I agree, your life sucks (5764) - you deserved it (20863)

On 03/07/2010 at 10:08pm - misc - by Numbnuts (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, I had toast thrown at me by an old Vietnam vet. Who also happens to have a dead cat in his freezer. I love retirement homes. FML

#8902353 (83)

I agree, your life sucks (13130) - you deserved it (1418)

On 03/07/2010 at 8:46pm - work - by liz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was eating pizza with my girlfriend. She got sauce on the corner of her mouth so I tried to be sexy and lick it off. It wasn't sauce, it was a cluster of zits. FML

#8889427 (293)

I agree, your life sucks (13845) - you deserved it (24001)

On 03/07/2010 at 9:12am - misc - by choldcreations - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I was home alone. It was very dark and so I went to turn on the lights, when I heard the sound of a gun loading. I dropped to the floor but never heard a gun fire. I got up and heard the sound again. When I got lights on, I discovered it was only my printer telling me it was out of paper. FML

#8882513 (142)

I agree, your life sucks (5830) - you deserved it (14056)

On 03/07/2010 at 12:02am - misc - by OhaiiKid (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I went to Starbucks to use the bathroom. After I knocked on the door, and turned the handle, this little old lady rips the door open and goes "I WAS TAKING A DUMP. YOU WANNA COME IN AND WIPE MY SHIT? DO YOU?!" and then continued to ask me the same question for five minutes. FML

#8878424 (174)

I agree, your life sucks (18528) - you deserved it (2434)

On 03/06/2010 at 9:38pm - misc - by bathroomblunder (woman) - Canada (Manitoba)