ohschmoley

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ohschmoley

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 4 October 1991 (25 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 5212
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About ohschmoley : ohhhhhhhhhhhh schmoley....
welcome to the life.
i eat creeps for breakfast.

ohschmoley's page activity

Visits<b>Raleaf</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 6:44am<b></b> - the 01/11/2011 at 12:40am<b>wtfismyfml</b> - the 09/05/2009 at 3:57am<b>Ilovelife07</b> - the 08/27/2009 at 11:19am<b>someotherbitch</b> - the 08/14/2009 at 8:17pm<b>shiznit0510</b> - the 08/05/2009 at 7:48am<b>GrandeCarne</b> - the 08/04/2009 at 10:31am<b>Daaniellee1234</b> - the 07/07/2009 at 9:16pm<b>jessicaiscool</b> - the 06/14/2009 at 3:05pm<b>666midnight</b> - the 06/11/2009 at 12:17pm<b>Envy3</b> - the 06/06/2009 at 2:30am<b>Meow34</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 8:08pm<b>depinaariana</b> - the 05/31/2009 at 11:14am<b>jillz</b> - the 05/30/2009 at 11:11pm<b>DarkMirror</b> - the 05/29/2009 at 1:21pm<b>colortherainbowx</b> - the 05/24/2009 at 4:20pm<b>muffy_da_bear</b> - the 05/24/2009 at 11:54am<b>iDontFail_xD</b> - the 05/23/2009 at 7:56am

ohschmoley's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

ohschmoley's favorite FMLs

Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML

by beatricesank / 05/23/2009 at 10:03am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML

by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

by GrahamCracker / 05/21/2009 at 1:36am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML

by GrahamCracker / 05/21/2009 at 1:36am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

by lm / 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML

by emoney / 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML

by hipthrustdude / 05/18/2009 at 8:04am / Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur) / Work

Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML

by sucks / 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm / United States (Georgia) / Animals

Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML

by bosssssssss765432 / 05/16/2009 at 11:20am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickling my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML

by badmom101 / 05/16/2009 at 7:26am / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

by dammitall / 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

by Jessica / 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML

by chaos2007 / 05/13/2009 at 1:11am / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm / United States (Minnesota) / Work

Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML

by mistake / 05/11/2009 at 5:09am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous