About ohschmoley : ohhhhhhhhhhhh schmoley....
welcome to the life.
i eat creeps for breakfast.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, I was straightening my hair when I heard this crunching, sizzling sound. Taking the flat iron away, I realized that I had just fused a spider to my hair with the heat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53469) - you deserved it (5371)
On 05/23/2009 at 10:03am - animals - by beatricesank (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I got a call saying that my son was chasing all the girls in the class with his "Sword of Death", otherwise known as my dildo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (75430) - you deserved it (35559)
On 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm - intimacy - by a (woman) - United Kingdom (Hertford)
Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41015) - you deserved it (6311)
On 05/21/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by GrahamCracker (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was taking a final exam and I reached into my pocket to get out a pencil. I felt this thing in my pocket so I got it out and put it on the desk. At first I thought it was a leaf but then it started kicking and trying to run around. It was a cockroach. It had been living in my pocket. FML
I agree, your life sucks (41015) - you deserved it (6311)
On 05/21/2009 at 1:36am - misc - by GrahamCracker (man) - United States (Georgia)
I agree, your life sucks (56247) - you deserved it (2620)
On 05/20/2009 at 4:49pm - misc - by lm (man) - Ireland (Dublin)
Today, I was walking out of my front door in the town where I intern. I live alone and know no one. As I'm locking the door, I see a golf ball wedged between my mat and step. I notice that there's writing on it so I pick it up to read, "You look hot when you sleep." FML
I agree, your life sucks (62364) - you deserved it (2192)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:04pm - misc - by emoney (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I got really excited at work over a deal I was about to close. I got up and started performing a rather obscene hip thrust only to notice a client sitting in the glass meeting room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7524) - you deserved it (37031)
On 05/18/2009 at 8:04am - work - by hipthrustdude (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
Today, my dog started to hump my leg. He always does this and I heard that humping the dog back asserted dominance. Well, I decided to, and I dry humped him back. As I was doing this I said "How do you like that!" And then my mom walked in. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24648) - you deserved it (107289)
On 05/17/2009 at 7:40pm - animals - by sucks (man) - United States (Georgia)
Today, I was at the doctor and I had to get a "finger stick" in the lab to get blood drawn. There was a 6 year old boy waiting to go next. He was terrified. His mother told him to "watch this brave girl go first." I panicked and began to hyperventilate. The boy fainted. FML
I agree, your life sucks (38461) - you deserved it (6785)
On 05/16/2009 at 11:20am - misc - by bosssssssss765432 - United States (New York)
Today, my 5 year old daughter thought it would be funny to wake me up by tickleing my toes. I guess one of my reflexes acted out because I kicked her right in the face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (45420) - you deserved it (5296)
On 05/16/2009 at 7:26am - kids - by badmom101 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29824) - you deserved it (3082)
On 05/15/2009 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by dammitall (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my 6 year old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop 'pretending to be daddy' against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26879) - you deserved it (38274)
On 05/14/2009 at 8:03pm - kids - by Jessica (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, it's my birthday. After a day out partying, I came home to find all my stuff smashed in the yard, even my 42" plasma TV. After asking my girlfriend what her problem was, she said a "slut" left a message on the machine stating how fun last night was. It turned out to be my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (71504) - you deserved it (3222)
On 05/13/2009 at 1:11am - misc - by chaos2007 - United States (Texas)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83546) - you deserved it (3660)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (79927) - you deserved it (3525)
On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)
Monday 17 June 2013
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