Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

ohschmoley

Search for a member

ohschmoley

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Friday 4 October 1991 (23 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4760
  • Number of comments : 10
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 3 posted

About ohschmoley : ohhhhhhhhhhhh schmoley....
welcome to the life.
i eat creeps for breakfast.

ohschmoley's page activity

Visits<b>Raleaf</b> - the 08/17/2014 at 6:44am<b>wtfismyfml</b> - the 09/05/2009 at 3:57am<b>Ilovelife07</b> - the 08/27/2009 at 11:19am<b>someotherbitch</b> - the 08/14/2009 at 8:17pm<b>shiznit0510</b> - the 08/05/2009 at 7:48am<b>GrandeCarne</b> - the 08/04/2009 at 10:31am<b>Daaniellee1234</b> - the 07/07/2009 at 9:16pm<b>jessicaiscool</b> - the 06/14/2009 at 3:05pm<b>666midnight</b> - the 06/11/2009 at 12:17pm<b>Envy3</b> - the 06/06/2009 at 2:30am<b>Meow34</b> - the 06/04/2009 at 8:08pm<b>depinaariana</b> - the 05/31/2009 at 11:14am<b>jillz</b> - the 05/30/2009 at 11:11pm<b>DarkMirror</b> - the 05/29/2009 at 1:21pm<b>colortherainbowx</b> - the 05/24/2009 at 4:20pm<b>muffy_da_bear</b> - the 05/24/2009 at 11:54am<b>iDontFail_xD</b> - the 05/23/2009 at 7:56am<b>Limyu</b> - the 05/21/2009 at 9:06pm

ohschmoley's FML badges

How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/

ohschmoley's favorite FMLs

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

#2812014
264 comments

I agree, your life sucks (94799) - you deserved it (20005)

On 06/11/2009 at 8:23pm - misc - by NoBalls (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I found out just how thin the walls at my new student flat are. They are so thin in fact, that I can hear the creepy guy next door say my full name over and over again very slowly whilst masturbating rigorously. FML

#2738282
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (108553) - you deserved it (4849)

On 06/09/2009 at 9:36am - intimacy - by SleepyKirsty (woman) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

#2736001
250 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78533) - you deserved it (5102)

On 06/09/2009 at 4:14am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got hypnotized at my school's variety show. Apparently, when asked to do something I enjoy doing, I began to violently hump the floor. FML

#2722142
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (84007) - you deserved it (20435)

On 06/08/2009 at 3:41pm - intimacy - by OhGeez (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I bought my cat a nice big bag of expensive anti-hairball catfood, so she'd stop puking hairballs on my things. After eating it, she started running around wildly, howling and projectile vomiting on EVERYTHING. FML

#2655825
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44691) - you deserved it (6401)

On 06/06/2009 at 9:17am - animals - by Jay (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, we got my brother a pet hamster because he has trouble making friends. We thought a hamster would be a good way to teach him about caring for others. I walked into the room and the hamster was hanging from the ceiling. Turns out there's a reason my brother doesn't have friends. FML

#2651635
477 comments

I agree, your life sucks (70631) - you deserved it (4838)

On 06/06/2009 at 1:51am - animals - by hamsterlovinn (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at work my arms were full. I needed to get the door open, so instead of pushing the swing door open with my shoulder, I kicked it open with my foot. Right into my manager's face. FML

#2647799
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34801) - you deserved it (11121)

On 06/05/2009 at 11:36pm - work - by hellogoodbye (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I witnessed a horrible car accident and was interviewed by the local news. During the interview I said, "It was terrible. It was like watching a silent movie... but there was sound!" The interview has been aired 6 times. FML

#2612293
324 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30061) - you deserved it (74793)

On 06/04/2009 at 9:07pm - misc - by LadyChristina25 - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes she did! She's lying I saw her drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

#2593679
339 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100851) - you deserved it (6384)

On 06/04/2009 at 8:17am - kids - by Kimmiko (woman) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, I hooked up with a girl from the bar. We went back to my place and started making out, I took off her shirt and bra and started kissing her breasts. I felt her chest hair tickle my tongue. FML

#2557919
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59221) - you deserved it (25361)

On 06/03/2009 at 2:06am - intimacy - by galen (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

#2405014
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45246) - you deserved it (11157)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I picked up my 4-year-old daughter from day care. As we're driving home, a butterfly lands on the windshield. Just as my daughter comments on how pretty the butterfly is, I turned a corner and accidentally hit the windshield wipers and smeared the pretty butterfly across the windshield. FML

#2405014
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45246) - you deserved it (11157)

On 05/29/2009 at 4:13pm - animals - by reb2632 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I had sex with a new guy. After we were done, he noticed my lighter on my nightstand and said "I've always wanted to try that!" He put the lighter by his butt and fart into it, producing a flame. After, when he left, I sat there, naked, mortified. FML

#2401782
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59872) - you deserved it (13449)

On 05/29/2009 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by FMLFMLFMLFML (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my kitten was playing with the drawstring on my pajama pants. He then jumped, clinging on to my crotch. I screamed in pain, which scared him and made him hold on tighter. My cat was literally hanging from my vagina with its claws for a good 30 seconds before I could pry him off. FML

#2349846
310 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58411) - you deserved it (7468)

On 05/27/2009 at 6:44pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, a waiter came up and and put out his hand so I gave him a high five and pounded it. He then says, "Um, that was a nice high five but I wanted your plate." FML

#2230053
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11656) - you deserved it (54936)

On 05/24/2009 at 1:01am - misc - by Clueless (woman) - United States



FML's blog

  • Cynthia's illustrated FML
  • TFIF indeed. It's time to kick off the suit and tie and forget about work. Some of us are going out for drinks with friends, others are going to enjoy some live music and some brave fools are going to keep fit…

Friday 28 November 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: