About ohjoy15 : Kamillah. :)
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Why am I up so early?
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ohjoy15's favorite FMLs
Today, my 6-year-old son was so angry at me for not buying him overpriced candy at the airport, that he told a security guard I had a machine gun in my suitcase. The interrogation was not pleasant. FML
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 1:05am / United States / Animals
Today, it was my wedding. Every good wedding has slutty wedding sex, and I thought it would be over after my cousin and his girlfriend were caught in the parking lot. I was wrong, the sluttiest wedding sex goes to my drunk husband and sister in the coat room. FML
by lizzie / 05/25/2013 at 2:55am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML
by mackmackey / 05/18/2013 at 7:15pm / United States (Arizona) / Health
by well great. / 05/17/2013 at 6:28pm / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous
Today, I had to explain to my husband why I was assuming that he was planning to attend my graduation ceremonies for my PhD next week. He still doesn't understand why he has to be there, and is pissed that he will miss his weekly pub crawl with his friends. FML
by married life / 05/16/2013 at 1:58am / Canada (British Columbia) / Love
Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML
by Locked Out / 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm / United States / Animals
Today, I went to the dentist to get a tooth filled. The nurse just finished taking my info when the doctor came in and started drilling. Through my chorus of screams he realized he'd forgotten to numb me. His only response was, "Guess I forgot to numb ya, huh?" while giggling. FML
by toothache / 05/14/2013 at 8:03am / United States (Illinois) / Health
Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML
by Anonymous / 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids
by lonelygirl / 04/09/2013 at 12:59am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous
by Zxz / 04/08/2013 at 5:51pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/05/2013 at 7:23am / Australia (Queensland) / Health
by Anonymous / 04/02/2013 at 2:14pm / United Kingdom (Manchester) / Love
Today, I was feeling sick and fainted while teaching my kindergarten class. I came to when one boy poured a cup of water on my face. Three kids were crying into my walkie talkie telling the office I was dead, and the rest of the class had disappeared. FML
by kindergarten teacher / 03/23/2013 at 9:25am / United States (California) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 2Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I stumbled upon a slightly drunk neighbor, trying to type in the entry code with his penis.… Today, my boyfriend whispered to me, “I’m so tired of these fucking mosquitos.” When I asked why he… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…