About ohjessica : Rock n' Roll.
Not Giving A Fuck.
About ohjessica : Rock n' Roll.
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In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
I agree, their lives suck
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ohjessica's favorite FMLs
Today, my six-year-old got in an argument with my four-year-old. I told them to go outside. The next thing I know, my son was standing in front of his sister's burning Barbie's Malibu Dream House, singing "Burn Baby Burn" and cackling madly. FML
by TraumatizedMother / 10/02/2011 at 3:27am / United States (New York) / Kids
by Help. / 09/29/2011 at 1:36pm / United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull) / Miscellaneous
by HT BaaFly / 09/07/2011 at 11:08am / United Kingdom (South Ayrshire) / Work
Today, I found out that my neighbors took it upon themselves to knock down the fence we shared, and putting up a new one. Thus fencing my pool into their yard. When I asked them why, he replied, "We thought you weren't coming back." I was gone for 4 months tending to my sister with breast cancer. FML
by Pool-less / 09/04/2011 at 2:09am / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/30/2011 at 7:24am / Australia (Queensland) / Intimacy
Today, I went to the House of Horrors at Universal Studios. People dressed up as monsters would jump at us, and I was so freaked out that I tripped. My equally terrified mom fell on top of me. Frankenstein's monster was nice enough to ask us if we were alright. FML
by Trimacle / 08/24/2011 at 2:32am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was baking cookies. I stared at them for 15 minutes and finally asked my dad, "Why are these taking so long?" He looked up at the oven and replied, "It might help if you turn the oven on." FML
by Kendal / 08/23/2011 at 2:18pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. I called AAA, and they said it would take 2 hours to get there. They called 2 hours later saying they got a flat tire and would be there in another 2 hours. FML
by Anonymous / 08/17/2011 at 12:45pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous
Today, I saw my brother's pregnant girlfriend smoking. Disgusted, I asked him why he didn't just stab her in the uterus and get it over with. He laughed like it was a joke, then cussed because he spilled his cereal. He's more concerned about spilled cereal than having a brain-damaged child. FML
by auntoftheyear / 08/10/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Louisiana) / Health
by Username / 08/09/2011 at 5:21pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, my dad nearly had a head-on collision with another car, but I grabbed the wheel at the last second, potentially saving both our lives. He spent the rest of the car trip pissed at me because I'd "interfered" with his driving. FML
by laurlaur / 08/05/2011 at 5:47pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
by soccerbuddyz / 08/03/2011 at 12:04am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
by ugly / 06/26/2011 at 3:02am / United States / Kids
Today, while in class, I desperately had to fart. Someone in the room had a coughing fit, so I took that as the chance to let it out. When I was about to release, the coughing stopped. I couldn't stop in time. FML
by anonymous / 06/08/2011 at 12:47pm / United States (Louisiana) / Health
Today, I was listening to my son's teacher gossip about students whilst in the grocery store. I was thrilled when she described my son as "A model student". However, she then went on to say, "Which is surprising considering that his parents are trailer trash." FML
by kindgartin / 04/23/2011 at 5:26am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Kids
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…