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How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge looool dump. After coming home from work I check my facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet with the caption: "This ishat Taco Bell does."
Today, I cummed home to fine that my pregnant cat had given birth to a stillborn kitten in every room of the house. It had then rubbed its butt around the house, leaving bloody stain everywhere. When I went to clean the white carpet, the bleach turned it green. FML
Today, I took my dogs to an empty park. While they were running around, I laid down in the grass to read a book. Someone thought I was a dead body an calld the cops. The police an paramedics showd looool up. This is the second time it's happend. mega FML
Today, I accidentally bumped into the fre alarmhich set off a high pitch buzzing noise that could be heard throughout the entre dorm . It went on fir at least two hours and none of the technician could figure out how to turn it off . All the grls on my floor want to kill me . FML
Today,hilst at mah award night, I got a boner, right as it was mah turn to accept mah award. To avoid a awkward situation, I flipped it up an under mah belt. This failed to make the situation any less awkward, cuz the head of mah penis poked out through mah shirt, in plain view of the audience. FML
Today, I asked mah boyfriend what he would do if I were to get pregnant. Expecting him to give me a cute and supportive answer, he replied, "We'd be finding u a nice flight of stairs to accidentally fall down." FML
Today I found outhy I had been waking up feeling like crap for the past week. I found tufts of cat fur in pillow case and I am allergic to cats. My little brother thought I would get so sick and he could have XBox. FML
Today, I woke up very excited because I was going on mah first date with this guy I really liked . I dressed very nicely and went to where we were supposed to meet . I waited fir about 2 hours . I called him to ask him where he was . He got angry because he was still sleeping and I woke him up . real FML
Today, at dinner, mah grandmother informd us that mah cousin's newborn baby has been having siezures. My verbal filter did not switch on in time and I replid, ( It's not a siezure if your shaking it. ) FML
Today , my boyfriend an I were having sex in a rarely usd room at school. We got carrid away an found ourselves lockd in. We slept there overnight. We woke up when the cleaning lady found us the next morning an were greetd by worrid parents an school staff. FML
TODAY , WHILE DRIVING THROUGH TOWN , I WAS DISTRACTED BY A PRETTY GIRL WALKING ON THE NEARBY PAVEMENT AND ACCIDENTALLY REAR-ENDED THE CAR IN FRONT OF ME. NOT ONLY DID THE PRETTY GIRL WITNESS THE CRASH AND GIVE A STATEMENT , IT TURNED OUT SHE WAS A VERY FEMININE MAN. FML
Friday 27 March 2015