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Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31758) - you deserved it (2786)
On 07/20/2010 at 12:53am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, my boyfriend bought a pogo stick. Now he rides it more than he rides me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (26767) - you deserved it (8920)
On 07/11/2010 at 9:35pm - intimacy - by RachelVanLannen9 (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I watched a stray dog hump a garden gnome in my front yard. So did my two year old daughter. I've already had to stop her "re-enactments" twice. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27973) - you deserved it (3847)
On 07/11/2010 at 4:05am - intimacy - by awkwardsituation - United States (North Carolina)
Today, while making out with my boyfriend of a month, he started rubbing my boobs. He told me that he wanted to get some action before he broke up with me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39999) - you deserved it (4098)
On 07/03/2010 at 12:04am - intimacy - by nowsingle - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend's mother screamed at me for half an hour, calling me a slut because she found a black lacy thong in my boyfriend's bed. I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't mine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52981) - you deserved it (6951)
On 07/01/2010 at 9:07pm - intimacy - by slut (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I was eating chips with my father. After I finished eating a chip I felt something between my teeth, It was pubic hair. I soon realized my dad was scratching his testicles while eating chips. FML
I agree, your life sucks (78023) - you deserved it (4311)
On 06/24/2010 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27161) - you deserved it (11309)
On 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, I lost my anal virginity because my boyfriend "slipped". FML
I agree, your life sucks (44906) - you deserved it (16501)
On 06/11/2010 at 12:56am - intimacy - by anonymous - Canada (Ontario)
Today, my boyfriend was going down on me. Suddenly, he grabbed my 'lower' lips and moved them in a talking motion, proclaiming that "the talking vagina declares war and wants to conquer the great penis." FML
I agree, your life sucks (41552) - you deserved it (13498)
On 06/09/2010 at 7:34am - intimacy - by thetalkingvagina (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, after staying at my boyfriend's house for the first time, I got in the shower. His bathroom door doesn't lock, so half way through my shower he walked in. Trying to be sexy, I pressed myself up against the glass, which turned out the be a door that opens outwards. I fell on the floor. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15642) - you deserved it (27519)
On 06/03/2010 at 4:54am - intimacy - by elevenharries (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, my wife changed her facebook status from "married" to "widowed". I'm scared. FML
I agree, your life sucks (57406) - you deserved it (4263)
On 06/02/2010 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Kentucky)
Today, I was dirty texting my boyfriend since we couldn't see each other this weekend. We were getting really into it when he said, "If only you were this good in real life." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29527) - you deserved it (7861)
On 05/30/2010 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by lonelyandbored - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23787) - you deserved it (4556)
On 05/26/2010 at 8:03am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (16024) - you deserved it (25245)
On 05/25/2010 at 7:33pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)
Today, in the middle of having sex, my girlfriend stopped moaning. I asked what was wrong. She said, "I'm bored." FML
I agree, your life sucks (15771) - you deserved it (5286)
On 03/04/2010 at 1:43am - intimacy - by fml1977 (man) - United States (Indiana)
Monday 20 May 2013
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